


Tainted

by The_Tevinter_Biscuit



Category: Dragon Age (Video Games), Dragon Age II
Genre: Abusive Parents, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Anal Fingering, Anal Sex, Angst, Crushes, Eventual Smut, Explicit Sexual Content, Hand Jobs, Implied/Referenced Rape/Non-con, M/M, Oral Sex, Past Violence, Slow Burn, Step-parents
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-01-30
Updated: 2016-12-29
Packaged: 2018-05-13 07:51:43
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 15
Words: 32,400
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5700709
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/The_Tevinter_Biscuit/pseuds/The_Tevinter_Biscuit
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Hawke would consider his life to be pretty basic. Perhaps it had been awhile since he'd had a date but for now, he was quite content with his life of solitude.<br/>That is until that vacant apartment across the hall is suddenly filled by a strange, attractive young man named Fenris. And Hawke is determined to find a way in there.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Vacant Apartment

**Author's Note:**

> A new multi-chapter fic I've started and will hopefully go through with. We'll see! I hope you enjoy! I only very recently got into the Dragon Age series!  
> Thanks for reading :)

Thump.

Disturbance this early in the morning was alarming to say the least. There was nothing more Hawke wanted to do than pull his pillow over his ears and block out the noise. Sunlight peeked from the cracks in his curtains and glazed over his tired body, an extra effort to stir the man. Clearly the Maker himself had it out for him this morning when the sound of a girl's voice pierced through the thin walls of his apartment. With a groan, Hawke leant over to fumble for his phone which had been sat on his nightstand whilst he slept. The blistering light from his screen was more than enough to make him wince, it was surely too early for all this racket. 9 AM. See? Far too early.

Groggily, Hawke pushed himself out of bed and stretched his aching muscles. He had to find the source of the noise and find a way to silence it. Looking at his ruffled bed covers, he already was beginning to long to crawl back into that cave of warmth and comfort. It was Saturday, this was supposed to be his day off! It was the day of the week he felt he could stay huddled up in his covers until the afternoon, remain in his pyjamas, and binge on snacks without being judged. It was the perfect day to build up an unforgiving fortress of packet wrappers of which you could find him within, video game controller in hand. He wouldn't go so far as to call himself a _slob,_ there wasn't nothing wrong with a little relaxation time in his eyes.

However none of this was solving the current problem at hand and that was the disturbance on the other side of his apartment walls. He grabbed a t-shirt and pair of jeans from the crumpled mess of clothes on the floor and threw them on, taking a single moment to brush away the creases. His mind was plagued only by _how early this was_ and how he was going to murder whoever had disrupted his sleep. Needless to say, Hawke did not consider himself a morning person.

Wasting no more time, he unlocked the front door and peered outside through the crack he had made. A young woman stood holding a box, a grin on her face as she marched into the opposing apartment. Someone was...moving in? Hawke rubbed his eyes and took a double take. The apartment across from him had been empty for a couple months now after Aveline had moved out to live with her new fiancée Donnic. It was a shame, he was never all that close to Aveline but she made for a decent flatmate. She always kept the noise low and always exchanged pleasantries when she saw him. It was to be expected of a police officer after all, he supposed. The memories seemed fond in comparison to whoever was hurtling things into that room now.

"Hawke!" the woman emerged from the apartment and Hawke finally got a good look at her. Dark skin, even darker brown hair brushing over her collarbone and a white shirt edged with lace that showed off just too much cleavage for his liking.

Oh. Isabela. Wait. _Isabela?!_

Hawke opened the door fully to respond. He ran through all of the reasons why Isabela could be here in his mind. There was no way she was the one moving in, he would've heard of it by now. Her bartending job at The Hanged Man not far from the apartment seemed pretty stable and she was having no trouble with her rent as far as he was aware. Then again, Isabela was always one to find herself in troublesome situations. You couldn't really predict her life.

"Isabela, what brings you here at this unholy hour?" Hawke responded, yawning as if to emphasise his distress with this current predicament. Isabela seemed to laugh softly.

"Didn't you get my text? You've got a new flatmate!" she cheered. As if that wasn't obvious. It wasn't like random people were just going to haul boxes into the opposing apartment for no reason. Thinking about it, Hawke vaguely remembered seeing the flashing of a new text message on his phone but he had been so concerned by the pure earliness of the time that he had simply dismissed it. Hawke looked around but saw no one else on the landing.

"And where is this said flatmate? If you say I'm looking at her I swear-"

"No, stupid. As much as I'd love to move in with you Hawkey it's not me. He's just through there. I was just helping him with the last of his boxes." she interrupted. So it was a guy then. Hawke briefly wondered if he was cute, it had been some time since he had dated anyone. He had been having a bit of a rough time with the guys, or as Varric liked to call it; "a dry spell".

"So how do you of all people know him then?" he asked, it was worth questioning as Hawke could only imagine the kind of crowd someone like Isabela attracted.

"Oh it's a long story. I've gotta run though unfortunately handsome, I have business to take care of. " she calmly announced, reaching over to pat his shoulder and turned on her heels to stroll away before Hawke could get a word in. Didn't she always have business to take care of? Hawke ran his fingers through his dishevelled locks. She didn't even care to tell him his name.

He cast a look over at the open door. That had to be some kind of invitation right? Perhaps he wanted to make friends. It couldn't hurt to introduce himself as no doubt they'd be seeing plenty of each other in the hallways and in the laundry room downstairs. Who knows, maybe he'd be a nice guy and they'd get along. Or not - he did presumably hang out with Isabela. Not that Hawke had any doubt that Isabela hung around _very nice_ people, it wasn't exactly his crowd. With a deep breath, he walked over to the open door. The anticipation was overwhelming. He knocked against the wood and peeked inside.

"Hello?" he called out. There was a shuffle from within. Footsteps. They were coming closer. He'd finally get to see the man within. A hand appeared on the edge of the door, pulling it a little further open to reveal himself.

"Yes?" he answered. His voice was plenty lower than Hawke expected, a brash, borderline sultry tone had erupted from a man that Hawke slowly had to pan down to meet the gaze of.

_Sweet Andraste._

Staring at him was a set of dark green eyes. The man stood leaning against the open door, dyed white hair brushing over to the side and curling at the ends of his neck. His olive skin made Hawke look deathly pale but that definitely wasn't what caught his attention the most. The man was covered presumably head to toe in tattoos. The intricate white patterns swirled up his arms and disappeared underneath the sleeves of his black t-shirt. They even made their way up his neck and onto his face. Standing in front of him was a man with facial tattoos! It was like nothing Hawke had ever seen before. While a seemingly insulting statement, it was far from it. He was beyond beautiful, perhaps the most interestingly attractive thing he'd ever laid his eyes upon. Hawke didn't realise it was apparent he was awe-struck by his appearance. The man didn't look particularly impressed, raising his dark eyebrows up at him with vague disinterest as Hawke gawked.

"Can I help you?" he reinstated, snapping Hawke out of his gaze that must've seemed creepy.

He suddenly became self-conscious that he was greeting such a magnificent work of art as he was - sloppily dressed in creased up clothes, bare feet, and a messy bed-head to top it all off. He was a disaster and not even fully awake.

"Oh uh, yeah! I mean- no, actually, I just dropped by to say hi. I live opposite you, you see!" he stammered, gesturing to his own apartment behind him. The man glimpsed over at where Hawke had been pointing before returning to look at the flustered man.

"I see." he said bluntly. Hawke smiled, expecting more out of him but when things grew awkwardly silent he knew he had to be the one to continue this conversation. This was not good, Hawke knew he was a rambler and in front of such a specimen he was sure he'd fall to pieces soon enough.

"Well my name's Hawke. Garrett Hawke. Hawke is my last name but everyone calls me that for some strange reason, it's kind of a habit not so feel free to call me that. Oh! But if you think that's weird that's fine Garrett is just as fine! It's whatever you feel comfortable with..." he was rambling wasn't it? Words were beginning to spew from his lips like explosive verbal diarrhoea.  He needed to stop talking.

"Fenris."

"Huh?"

"My name, it's Fenris." Hawke's mouth came to a close. Fenris huh? It sounded foreign, or at least, not from around these parts of Kirkwall. He was grateful to have a name to put the face. That was a start.

"It's nice to meet you Fenris," Hawke told him cheerfully, it really was. He stuck his hand out towards him but was met once against with a silence. Fenris peered down at the hand put out before him. Was something wrong? Had he never shook someone's hand before?  He did seem to speak good English so surely he couldn't have lived too far away from here. Most people have handshakes in their customs right? Hawke had to take another look to assure his hands weren't sweaty (which would've not been a surprise all things considered) but to his thankfulness, they weren't. He squeaked out a weak laugh. "Don't uh, don't keep me hanging!" he attempted to pull out a witty remark. However, Fenris didn't seem particularly amused. "Don't do handshakes? Alright, that's fine. It's fine."

Eventually, he tore his hand away, wiping his palm against the leg of his jeans and feeling somewhat embarrassed at the situation.

"Was there anything else I can help you with?" he repeated, finally breaking the silence.

"Oh no it's alright, I just came to introduce myself since I'm sure we'll see each other a fair bit, living across from one another and all that. Unless you'd like some help unpacking or something? I'm quite strong you know." Hawke replied, grinning a little. Fenris seemed to pause.

"No I'm quite capable, thank you for the offer." he politely turned him down. Although feeling disappointed, Hawke supposed he could understand. He was just a random guy at this point.

"If you need a hand with anything I'm just a knock away," he said with a confident nod. "Really, anything at all."

Why had he said that? _Anything?_ What kind of creep are you Hawke? He mentally chastised himself. Was he coming off as desperate? The idea of whether he was in fact desperate was besides the point. That wasn't to say that Fenris was incredibly cute and Hawke knew there was no way he was going to pass up any opportunity to get to know him. His brain also lingered over the thought that there had to be some reason he'd run into someone like Isabela. Judging by the refusal of the handshake it was likely that he and Isabela were not...intimate right? Isabela was a touchy person. What was he thinking anyway? Fenris could be straight for all he knew! Although if it wasn't a sexual relationship, what could it be? Hawke was having a hard time trying to judge whether Fenris looked like the sort of guy who would get himself into trouble.

"Right. Well, I'll see you around Hawke." Fenris's voice once again broke him out of his wandering thoughts. He'd used his name. He could feel a blockage in his throat.

"Yes, see you!" he responded quickly. Just like that, Fenris had shut the door on him and he was left on the landing with the carpet creeping between his toes. Despite his appealing appearance, Hawke wasn't sure what was drawing him to Fenris. Perhaps it was just his dick talking. The guy didn't seem all that friendly, there had to be more to him surely. Hawke was determined to find out.

His thoughts wandered back to the warm bedding he had left behind for this encounter and found himself walking back into his apartment to snuggle up in them, perhaps make a cup of coffee to wake up.


	2. Let's Talk

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hawke finds a pleasant opportunity to help out a neighbour.

What were you to do when your flatmate was ridiculously hot? Hawke found himself asking many questions concerning Fenris and his mere existence on the other side of the landing. He really needed to get out more, is what he generally concluded whenever he caught sight of the white-haired beauty fumbling with his keys every evening when he presumably got home from work. Wherever it was that he worked. Hawke wanted to know. It couldn't be anything too fancy, the apartment block wasn't all that expensive and there was no way he could get away with a rich man's job with tattoos like that surely? They were on his face! He seemed to make no effort to cover them up either.

General pleasantries on the stairs just weren't enough. Hawke was running out of reasons to talk to him. There was only so many times you could knock on someone's door and ask them if they had any salt. He was sure Fenris was baffled by Hawke's inability to go to the store and pick up some salt. He was a mess. Hawke wasn't sure if pretending to accidentally receive his mail on his behalf was going to cut it this time either.

As if the Maker had heard his pleas, it was a sunny Thursday morning and the opportunity presented itself on a silver platter. Tiredness crept in Hawke's eyes, he'd just finished his night shift and he couldn't wait to sleep the rest of the day away. That's when he saw him, clambering up the stairs with what seemed to be 6, maybe 8, shopping bags. Hawke could see the strain in his arms as he carried them, it was apparent that the weight was a bit too much.  Hawke wished nothing more than he wasn't so goddamn tired. He couldn't let this chance go to waste, he'd just have to suck it up.

"Need some help with that?" he called out. The voice made him flinch, his foot almost slipping on the step. That could've ended badly. Hawke had to hold the urge to laugh in the throat as he saw the otherwise composed man stumble a little. Just the idea of Fenris falling down the stairs was enough for him to bite his lip. Of course he would be concerned for the man, ask him if he was alright and offer a hand to pick him up. That would be at least, after he'd finished laughing.

Hawke jogged up a few of the steps to get closer to him, offering a hand for some of the shopping bags. Fenris stopped to look at him.

"I think I'm alright actually." he said modestly, looking down at the bags in his hands. Hawke shook his head.

"Nonsense, just hand a couple over." Hawke replied, smiling at him. Fenris sighed as he reluctantly let go of a few bags whilst he passed them to Hawke. He could instantly feel the relief in his shoulders as the weight was lifted. This was much easier to manage but he sure couldn't say that.

In the time Hawke was thinking of something to say as they carried the bags up the stairs, they had already reached the landing. Hawke couldn't understand why he was excited to go into Fenris's apartment considering he had been in it before, he and Aveline weren't necessarily good friends but she'd offered him to sit and watch the football game a couple times. Now there had to be a Fenris touch to the place,  he had thought, a personal feel. That's what he was pining about.

He watched as Fenris placed the bags he was holding on the ground to scramble around in the front pockets of his black skinny jeans that clung to those shapely legs of his. Had he mentioned that Fenris had extremely attractive legs? For his fairly short stature, he had very long legs that would be excellent for wrapping around his- no, Hawke, now was definitely not the time to be having inappropriate thoughts about his neighbour. He hadn't even known him a week! Eventually, Fenris fished out his keys and shuffled to unlock his door. He picked up his bags and strode inside. Hawke waited patiently to be invited in.

 

"Where should I put these?" he asked as Fenris used his head to gesture that Hawke could come inside. Fenris shut the door quietly behind him.

Hawke took the time to have a good look around the place. It was the same layout he remembered, of course, but the place felt much more minimalistic than Aveline's had been. Granted, there were still a lot of boxes all over the place. Hawke couldn't seem to find any picture frames on the walls or on surfaces. A shame. Unless they were stuffed away in boxes somewhere? Most people had a picture or two of family or friends. Something about the place just lacked...character. There was nothing that particularly stood out to him, it was all too ordinary. That or he had more self-restraint than Hawke did to see little useless objects and buy them impulsively. That was an issue that probably needed some kind of TV show or an intervention. It felt almost like Fenris didn't own anything at all, aside from essentials. There was no way that Fenris could be that much of a blank slate.

"On the counter is fine." Fenris said interrupting his thoughts, waving a hand towards the open plan kitchen to the right. He nodded and placed the shopping bags on the countertop, a habitual instinct urged him to start taking things out but he figured it inappropriate. Fenris followed him shortly, putting the bags he was carrying beside them. "They should get an elevator for this place."

"Oh we used to have one. It's in the little doorway on the side but it hasn't been used in years. Who knows how long that thing has been broken? Meredith's too much a sleazy cheapskate to get it fixed. Long enough for us to give up complaining at least." he explained, followed by a long yawn and quickly realising that his body was aching for rest. Surprisingly, Fenris chuckled a little and Hawke could feel his heart stop for a second.

"I see." he replied softly, beginning to take the groceries out of the shopping bags. "You seem tired, are you alright?"

Hawke was surprised to hear him continue the conversation.

"Yeah I'll live I guess. I just got off my shift, that stuff catches up to you eventually ya know?" he said. Fenris looked up at him.

"You were working?" he asked. Hawke smiled sleepily.

"Mhmm. I'm a care assistant. My times are all over the place. Sometimes I do morning shifts, sometimes I do nights. Sometimes it's all afternoon. It's unpredictable," Hawke told him, watching him carefully take items out of the plastic. "Kind of a pain in the ass."

"Sounds like it."

It was then Hawke realised that this was an ample opportunity to ask Fenris was he did for work. That was assuming that those disappearances in the afternoon until evening was him in fact going to work. It seemed a reasonable conclusion.  

"What about you then? What do you do for work?" Hawke questioned; curious.

"You know Marethari's? It's a uh, cafe not too far from here," he began. Hawke nodded. Of course. Merrill worked there - assistant manager, Hawke considered her a fairly good friend and flatmate. He'd only been there once or twice, coffee outside of the instant stuff you could make at home was an expensive habit and Hawke didn't find it worth it. Just as a treat occasionally. "I'm a barista."

Oh. Well, Hawke figured he would have to change his outlook on buying expensive coffee out of the house.

"Really? I go there quite a lot," he lied through his teeth. Shit. Why did he say that? "The girl downstairs works there too you know."

"Merrill? Yes we've spoke in a couple instances." Fenris seemed fairly happy to talk about it. There was something then, they had a friend in common, that wasn't including Isabela at least. Isabela didn't really count. She was an oddball after all.

However, Hawke wondered if he could work this in his favour. Now Fenris must be expecting him to come around from time to time right? He wasn't sure if it was a habit he could afford but on the positive side, he would get to see Fenris in a cute apron...

Fenris noticed him spacing out.

"You should get some rest," he said to him, snapping him out of his daydream. Hawke stared at him. Was he...showing concern for his health? "Thank you for your...help."

He was looking away from him. How cute! Hawke definitely thought he was going to die. This was his end. If he didn't pass out from sleep deprivation it was definitely Fenris who was going to be the death of him. Hell, write it on his tombstone. Hawke snickered slightly to himself.

"Anytime," he replied. "I think I'll take you up on that offer. I'll...see you around then?"

"Yeah."

And that was that. Hawke waved to him as he left the apartment with the jitters. He stumbled into his own apartment and slumped against his door with a sigh. He was hopeless and this was a ridiculous predicament. He should know better.


	3. Coffee

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hawke goes to visit Fenris at Marethari's and squeezes in some time to chat.

There was a lot of reasons why he was here, he had told himself, that stumbling into the cafe was just a simple treat for all his hard work. A man could reward himself with ridiculously overpriced coffee every once in awhile right? He wasn’t bitter about the cost at all, not one bit. Looking up at the board scrawled with the different drinks and prices, Hawke scowled. He wasn’t even sure what half of these drinks were. How was he supposed to order anything? Where was the “instant coffee” menu option? He cursed inwardly at the fool he was, why did he have to tell Fenris he was some kind of regular? Although, the irritation melted away when he caught sight of him. Things had worked out perfectly after all then. He’d ended up with another night shift (a perfect excuse to binge out on caffeine before work) and that meant that Fenris was still there, working behind the counter. He wondered if Fenris knew he had been lying through his teeth because surely he would’ve seen Hawke there before if he had been a regular. He shrugged it off and got in line, the mystery of what he was going to order exactly long forgotten by that apron-clad beauty that he’d gotten the pleasure of living across the landing from.

 

“Hawke.” Fenris’s deep voice caught his attention and he realised he’d been moved to the front of the queue. He strolled up close to the counter and rested his hands on the top.

 

“Fancy seeing you here Fenris.” he grinned. He could see a smile quirk at the edges of his lips. Ever since he’d helped him with those shopping bags, Fenris seemed a little more relaxed around him. It was reasonable to wary, Hawke could’ve been some kind of serial murderer or something. He couldn’t judge. Maybe there was a fighting chance somewhere.

 

"Are you going to order something?" he asked and Hawke realised what he'd been forgetting the entire time he'd found himself staring at Fenris. He still had no idea what anything was. He had to play it cool. He was supposed to be a regular after all.

 

"I...I'm in the mood for something new," Hawke choked out before clearing his throat. He drummed his fingers on the counter. "What do you like?"

 

Definitely played it cool. That was so smooth. A smug smile tugged on Hawke's lips. Fenris raised his eyebrows before pondering, folding his arms over his chest.

 

"Hmm I suppose I could go for a caffe macchiato right now." Fenris announced to him. Hawke had no idea what that was but it sounded fancy and expensive. But if Fenris liked them then that was good enough for him. He'd just have to take it like a man.

 

"I'll have one of those then." he answered with confidence. It couldn't be that bad. It was only coffee after all.

 

Nodding, Fenris scurried to make his coffee. A few moments later Hawke found himself sat a seat by the window with a coffee. It was surprisingly quite popular here, but arguably it was very cosy. The velvet-like seats were very comfortable and there was a shocking lack of graffiti on the tabletops. The place wasn't that new but it seemed well-respected. Hawke let the steam from the caffeine beverage brush over the hairs of his beard, he looked down into the hot liquid and the way the white of the milk faded into brown. So this is what Fenris drank. He took a deep breath and held the cup in his hands, it was far too small for this but the heat felt nice on his hands. Eventually, he picked it up and brought it to his lips to take his first sip.

 

Coffee. The coffee was very strong but the hint of milk was definitely there. He ran his tongue over his lip. It was...pretty good. His eyes flickered over to Fenris who had happened to be looking in his direction. Although when he noticed Hawke staring back he quickly diverted his attention to the customer in front of him. Hawke blinked. Well, that was weird.

 

Before it went cold, Hawke kept drinking up the coffee. It apparently didn't take much and Hawke barely acknowledged he'd had it. That was expensive for what it was worth. Hawke stared down into the empty cup and was reminded why he didn't go out for coffee. This was going to be an expensive habit to upkeep. Damn you Fenris.

Setting his feelings aside, he turned to look out the window. The sun was setting in the distance and he appreciated the orange glow it left over the city. This place sure had a nice view of this, no wonder it was bustling even late afternoon. Hawke checked the time with his phone and realised he'd need to get ready for work fairly soon. He found his gaze drawn back to Fenris who was talking to a young blond boy as he untied his apron. Was this the end of his shift? It had to be, he noted, as Fenris left from behind the counter. Hawke stood up quickly and walked over to him.

 

"Hey, you leaving?" he asked even though he knew the answer. Fenris nodded. "Cool I should be off too, we could walk back together."

 

"...Sure." Fenris agreed and Hawke could feel that grin creep back on his face. Hawke, sir, you're a genius. It made sense, they lived in the same building after all. Fenris grabbed his jacket from the coat rack by the door and slipped it over his shoulders. He neatened out any creases and walked out the door with Hawke.

 

Hawke loved this time of day. There was something fresh about the air, it was cool but not cold. The sky was fading into shades of orange and pink that were never seen except for this exact time of day. A few clouds blocked their path but it didn't seem to stop it from leaving a reflection of its colour everywhere to remind everyone the day was coming to a close. It felt strangely...romantic. He spared a look at Fenris who seemed oblivious to the beautiful setting around them. He had his hands shoved deep into his pockets and he was looking the other way.

 

"The coffee was good," Hawke commented, trying to start up a conversation. As much as he liked appreciating the sky, he'd much rather being getting something out of this moment alone with Fenris. Wasn't this what he'd been striving for all this time? Here he was, wasting it. Fenris made an humming noise of approval. "Do you like working there?"

"Not really. I don't like working with the public but it brings in enough money." he responded. Hawke wasn't surprised. With the way he looked he must've brought a lot of attention to himself. He wondered what drove Fenris to get such crazy tattoos, not that they looked bad of course, quite the opposite in fact as Hawke often found himself wondering the extent of them when he saw them disappear under his shirt.

"Understandable, I'm sure you attract a lot of attention..." Hawke said without thinking. Fenris shot him a look with eyebrows furrowed. "Oh I just meant that um, I mean your tattoos and stuff they're very...prominent you know? It's hard not to notice them, they're on your face!" He was spilling words like no tomorrow. Fenris's expression didn't falter. "Not...Not that that's bad or anything! What I'm trying to say is it makes you very attractive."

Oh no. Hawke felt sweat gather on his forehead. What had he said? And then...Fenris's expression seemed to soften. Hey- wait- were his cheeks a little pink? Maybe it was a trick of the light. It had to be. His head turned the other way again, and a slight sound of laughter erupted from him. What...was going on?

"You're a very strange man, Hawke." Fenris eventually said. Hawke's shoulders relaxed from their previously tense state.  He wasn't mad after all then. Did straight guys willingly take compliments from other guys? He found himself incredibly confused.

"Ah, well, more like I don't know when to shut up. Sorry." he quipped and Fenris seemed to smile a little at him and if there was a moment when Hawke could pinpoint the time his heart melted, it would be that very moment.

"You are forgiven."

"I meant it though." Fenris tilted his head slightly. "The attractive bit I mean, I...You must think that's weird."

"No, I like a man who speaks his mind." he confessed, shaking his head.

Did Hawke hear that right? It was almost like Fenris was...flirting with him. Hawke's head was swimming. This was a dream, he was dreaming. There was no way that his incredibly hot flatmate was flirting with him. What a preposterous thought.

"I think I do a lot of that." Hawke replied, chuckling.

"Then I'm sure we'll get along fine."

All things considered, Fenris was a lot nicer than he had originally expected. Hawke couldn't blame himself for being quick to judge, who wouldn't when he looked so alternative. Dyed hair, intricate tattoos, what next? All that was missing was piercings. Was he going to find out Fenris had his nipples pierced or something? Hawke flushed at the thought. Best not think about that. For someone so in touch with the "hardcore" stereotype, he was very...pleasant.

They talked the rest of the way back to the apartment. It was mostly just pointless small-talk but it was delightful. Hawke was left with a warm feeling in his gut. He'd even gotten Fenris to smile a couple more times and even elicit a few chuckles. It was a good feeling, making him happy, something he found pleasing more so than the average person. Perhaps it was because he always looked so grumpy.

"I need to get ready for work." Hawke told him as they reached the top of the landing. They parted ways to go their separate doors.

"Working nights again?" Fenris replied, shuffling through his pockets as always for his keys.

"Yeah," Hawke looked away from his door to glance at Fenris. "...It was nice talking to you Fenris."

Fenris seemed to be caught off-guard by that statement.

"You too."

"We should do it again sometime."

"I'd like that."

Hawke wasn't sure what that meant exactly but as he said his goodbyes to Fenris he couldn't help but feel accomplished. He'd secured himself another long conversation with the man and that was by no means a date but it was as good a start as any. He desperately longed to get to know him better. As much as he wanted to lean on his door and go weak at the knees again, he needed to get ready for work and head out the door again. His eyes drifted over to the coffee pot.

But...not without a coffee first.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hurrah! Another chapter done. I hope you're all enjoying the fic. I know it's a slow start but it'll pick up soon don't worry.


	4. Expensive Tastes

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Anders has no sympathy for Hawke's endeavours but regardless, he finds a way to hit up Fenris again over some Chinese food.

"You better not be sleeping on the job again Hawke." Hawke's eyes fluttered open and his hazy vision eventually focused on the looming figure before him. He quickly made out the dirty blond hair tied back in a small ponytail and recognised that it belonged to Anders. Hawke shuffled to sit upright on the warm couch, whining slightly when his muscles ached in protest to the movement.

"I'm on my break." he argued, stretching his arms into the air and rubbing at his eyes. He wiped away rheum from the corners of his eyes and stared back at him with a disgruntled expression. Anders let out a huff and shook his head. Quietly, he sat down next to the tired man.

"You're not usually this tired, what's up with you?" Anders questioned.

"Nothin' I'm just tired."

"Hawke."

"Don't give me that look!"

It was becoming rapidly obvious that Anders wasn't going to let up. His co-worker had always been persistent when it came to his health. No wonder he worked in care. Although Hawke had always found it a wonder why he didn't go into actual medicine, he'd asked him in the past, it had something to do with the expense and not wanting to leave his cat for so long. Anders would make a good doctor, he'd always thought, he had the right mindset for the job. And yet, here he was with a guy like Hawke in this care home break room.

"Fine," Hawke began with a sigh. "I may have been exhausting myself a little more than usual. It's for a good cause though."

Anders raised his eyebrows.

"One that involves leaving the house?" he inquired, causing Hawke to hit him lightly with a pillow found beside him.

"You wound me Anders!"  Hawke griped before grinning a bit. Anders laughed as he tossed the fluffy weapon to one side. "But yes, you could say that. You see a guy moved into Aveline's old apartment-"

"Oh no. Hawke. This is about a guy is it?" Anders interrupted. "Have you completely forgotten how your last relationship ended? I can't have you go hurting yourself again over some pretty boy again. Do you remember what you said to me? Oh Anders I'll never date again!"

Hawke frowned, his impression of him was quite terrible. However, Hawke definitely remembered how his last relationship had gone down and it wasn't too pretty. It was a low blow from Anders to bring that up. He understood he was only trying to protect him but he knew how Anders got about these things, left to his own devices he would definitely spiral out of control. They were definitely even now, Hawke had been there during his breakup with Karl and Anders had been there through Hawke's own relationship troubles.

"Don't worry it's not like that. We're not even together! Not...Not yet." he remarked.

"Not _yet_?" Anders shook his head again. "Tell me about him then. There's got to be a reason this guy is so great that you're sleeping on the job."

He took a deep breath. How did one explain Fenris exactly? Hawke wasn't sure he knew himself. He didn't know the guy that well, but well enough to know that he absolutely made him weak at the knees whenever he smiled. He had a feeling that pure aesthetic attraction was not going to go down well with Anders.

"Well he's...just kind of reserved you know? He wouldn't even shake my hand when I met him. So I've had to make the extra effort to talk to him. But Maker Anders he's the most beautiful thing I've ever laid my eyes on!" he exclaimed, he wasn't surprised when Anders didn't return the enthusiasm.

"Don't get yourself hurt Hawke." Anders eventually said, patting Hawke on the shoulder.

"I won't." he reassured him and Anders smiled but he could feel that it was half-hearted.

"Well if you do, don't say I didn't warn you." Anders remarked, throwing his hands into the air as he stood up. "Now I've got a grumpy old man to tend to, don't fall asleep again or you'll regret it."

As Anders promptly left the room, Hawke reached over the pillow he has previously used as a projectile to attack his friend. He grabbed it and smothered it against his face, groaning. He was really hopeless. If he could get that damned Fenris off his mind for one second he'd be grateful - there was no really no excuse to be this smitten so quickly! Hawke dragged the pillow down from his face with a grunt. He had told him that they were to talk another time. What did that mean exactly?

He could feel a weight in his eyes begin to gather again. Sighing, he put the pillow down and rubbed his eyes. Anders would definitely be mad if he found him asleep again. But it was just so tempting...

 

It had been a few days since their walk home and Hawke stared blankly into the television screen. He'd been sitting on what to do ever since it had happened, Anders was going to be no help at all unless he wished for another lecture. He supposed Varric was an option but no doubt the writer was going to use the story for unjust means, that and he'd probably make faces at Fenris whenever the two happened to pass each other on the bottom floor. He'd likely garner a similar response from Merrill and Fenris would definitely know about the whole thing if he ever told Isabela.

When he pushed himself up from the sofa he sighed, evening was fast approaching and Hawke could hear his stomach growl. He stumbled over to the fridge and had a glance at its contents. There was nothing to make anything that tickled his fancy. The stairs leading downstairs were a downhill mountain what Hawke didn't feel like traversing so take-out it would have to be. He found himself slumped back on the couch as he reached for his phone.

What should he get? Pizza or Chinese seemed like two valid options. What would Fenris like? And that's when it hit him - an excuse, an idea.

Not too much time passed before Hawke found himself rapping on Fenris's door. He hoped this would work or Hawke would end up with some severe stomach ache the coming morning. He rocked nervously on the balls of his feet as he waited for someone to answer. Eventually, the door opened and Fenris peered out from behind it. Hawke was shocked to see a bit of colour on him, used to the man's usually black wardrobe, Fenris stood in a dark blue shirt rolled up at the elbows showing off the tattoos that crept along his forearm and a pair of washed out black skinny jeans.

"Hawke." he greeted, sounding somewhat surprised to see him.

"Have you eaten yet?" Hawke asked him, knowing that it sounded like an odd question. Fenris stared at him and tilted his head to one side.

"Dinner I presume? No, I haven't. Why do you ask?" Fenris sounded baffled. Hawke cleared his throat and laughed a little.

"Well you see I ordered Chinese and they kinda messed up my order and there's no way I can eat that much Chow Mein or spring rolls by myself and I'm not about to waste free food so I was wondering if maybe um, you'd like to come eat some with me?" he offered, clenching his fists slightly. "It'd also be nice if we could...talk again. I liked it last time."

Fenris paused, presumably weighing out his options. Hawke thought Chinese might have been a safer bet, he had no idea what kind of toppings Fenris would like on his pizza but he couldn't order a good 5 pizzas with a variety without it seeming suspicious. Chinese seemed like something he'd have more luck with, although there was a chance that Fenris didn't like Chinese food altogether.  He anticipated his reply.

"Are you sure?" was what he questioned after a moment. Hawke nodded quickly. "Don't you have anyone else to share it with?"

"Not anyone that can get here before it goes cold." he told him, it wasn't entirely a lie but he mostly just wanted the opportunity to spend more time with Fenris. He was desperate after all.

"...I suppose it'd be a shame to waste good food," Fenris said looking to the side and Hawke smiled. It had worked. "I could bring some wine, if you like?"

"Sounds good to me." Hawke reassured him, trying to contain the excitement bubbling in his chest.

"I will be there in a moment."

 

It doesn't take long before Fenris is knocking on his door. He was shaky, it had always been the other way around with him bothering his neighbour. Fast forward some time and here he was, stood in his doorway with a bottle of wine in his hands. They were about to share a Chinese - it was practically a date! Hawke shook the thought from his head and grinned despite being a little out of breath as he invited Fenris into his home. He'd spent the last few minute tidying any last out of place things as he figured that some of his more messy habits wouldn't go down too well. He hoped it was enough.

The smell of the hot food overwhelmed Fenris's nostrils as he walked in. Hawke took a deep breath as he shut the door behind him. The shock of it all still hadn't quite settled in. Fenris was in his apartment, he knew it wasn't exactly that a big of a deal but it was the small feats in life that pleased him.

"Where should I put this?" Fenris said, turning around to look at Hawke, holding up the bottle of wine. Hawke glanced around the room.

"The coffee table is fine, I'll get some glasses." he instructed, walking past him to move into the kitchen area. Fenris placed the bottle carefully on a forgotten coaster to the side of the wooden coffee table. Hawke rifled through his cupboards in search of the wine glasses, he was sure he had some, they had been a moving-in gift from Bethany a few years back. How long had he lived in this place? Finding them, he felt a heavy weight in his chest. He missed Bethany. He couldn't think that he had touched the glasses since she had passed, not that he really got all that much use out of them anyway since he didn't particularly drink wine often. Bethany knew this of course, but she had found it humorous anyway knowing that Hawke considered it more of an old woman's drink - Mother had drank her fair share of wine in her time after all. What did that say about Fenris? He supposed he hadn't thought about it. It wasn't as if he disliked wine, just preferred something a little more rough down his throat. One didn't exactly chug a bottle of wine.

He found Fenris shifting awkwardly by the coffee table as he eyed up the food. Hawke strolled over, placing the glasses by the bottle. He threw himself onto the couch and pat the seat next to him.

"You're welcome to sit down you know." he mentioned, raising his eyebrows. Fenris seemed a little startled.

"Oh, yes." he said softly. He took a seat by Hawke, watching whilst the man took a food item from the various ones laid out on the table.

"Help yourself, I insist." Hawke told him, reassuring Fenris when he warily reached for something himself.

The sounds of eating weren't particularly attractive ones. The atmosphere was growing progressively more awkward and Hawke wondered if he should perhaps turn on the television or something of the sort. He did desperately want to make conversation but every starter that popped in his head he quickly dismissed as stupid. Why was this so tense? They had no problem making chit-chat on the way back from the cafe so why was now any different? He could sense Fenris feeling a little uncomfortable. He also noticed the way the man picked delicately at his food, eating small bites at a time. Did he feel some kind of shame? It must be why he sounded so relatively quiet compared to Hawke's rather unsavoury eating style.

"So...you're friends with Isabela?" was all Hawke could come up with. It was a pretty good topic that had been on his mind since day one. Fenris seemed to pause.

"You could say that." he replied, taking another cautious mouthful of food.

"I saw her helping you move boxes in, she and I have some history as well," Fenris spluttered a little. It took Hawke a moment to realise what he had said. "Oh! No no no, not like that. Not to say she isn't a beautiful woman and all that but she's not my taste. I don't exactly swing that way."

"Oh, I see."

Had he made him uncomfortable? He knew that some straight men were uncomfortable being alone with a gay man. Considering their previous conversation, he doubted it. Fenris had definitely been either indirectly or directly flirting with him and didn't seem to mind when he had called him attractive.

"She was just someone I happened to run into during some difficult times," Fenris continued. "We kept loosely in contact ever since."

"Isabela's like that. She gets around. Maker, I'm brilliant at this innuendo thing huh?" Hawke replied with a chuckle. Fenris's lips quirked briefly.

The silence fell again and Hawke set down his empty container once he had finished its contents. He reached for the bottle of wine Fenris had brought along and studied it. _Aggregio Pavali._ Shit, this stuff was expensive. He'd certainly heard of it but never drank it, it was far too pricey for him, not that he would've ever bothered to spend that much money on wine anyway. He spared a glance at Fenris. How could he afford such a drink on his salary? As far as he knew, barista's didn't get paid that much.

"I'll pour some of the wine." he declared, popping open the bottle. Fenris hummed in approval.

Hawke poured the alcohol into the glasses he had placed next to the bottle earlier and brought his glass up to his lips. He looked down into the glass and hesitantly took a sip. His tongue ran over his lip. Better than expected.

"I take it that it's alright?" Fenris commented, observing.

"Alright? This is expensive wine! Of course it's good." he commented, taking another large swig from the glass and placing it back down. Fenris's eyes lingered over his own glass.

"I have an acquired taste." he replied, reaching for his glass and sipping it.

"More like an expensive taste."

To his surprise, Fenris chuckled a little.

"Seriously though, how can you afford this stuff? Unless barista's have suddenly got an extreme pay raise. Oh! Are you a secret millionaire? All undercover?" Hawke remarked playfully, nudging Fenris's arm lightly with his elbow. Fenris set the glass calmly back in its place.

"It was all we kept in my house when I was younger. I just can't settle for anything else that's all. I don't have it often, but when I have the extra cash I spend it." he confessed. Hawke raised his eyebrows.

"Fancy. My mother used to drink wine too but nothing this expensive. Alcohol was alcohol." Hawke replied, snickering.

"Sounds like an interesting woman."

"She was."

Fenris stopped and looked down, his white hair shielding his eyes.

"Sorry I didn't mean to-" Hawke put his hand up to stop him.

"No it's okay. She was a great woman but I've moved on. I can remember her fondly." Hawke assured him, smiling. Fenris raised his head to take a glimpse at Hawke's peaceful expression. He took a deep breath and relaxed his shoulders.

The talking seemed to ease up by then, the conversation flowing without the awkward silences. The glasses of wine went down just as easily as the food. It had taken them at least an hour to get through the whole lot and Hawke was just glad to keep him there. He laughed as he reached for the bag he had received his Chinese in.

"I got fortune cookies, want one?" he asked Fenris, the tiniest bit of flush on his cheeks from the alcohol.

"Sure." he agreed, reaching in the bag and taking out one of the cookies. He stared at it for a moment.

"Break it on three. One...two...three..." As on cue, the two broke apart the soft biscuit and pulled out the little slips of paper inside. Hawke popped one of half of the cookie into his mouth as he unravelled it. With a gross mouthful of food, Hawke said "What does yours say?"

Fenris's eyebrows furrowed as he stared at the little slip of paper. Hawke leaned over the man's shoulder to read the slip. 'Enjoy the good luck a companion brings you.' it read. Well, that was a little eerie. It was just a coincidence, it had to be. Everyone knew that fortune cookies were just a load of pap anyway.

"Ooh interesting," Hawke said, grinning. He looked back down at his own paper and laughed. "Mine says, 'When hungry, order more Chinese food.' Truly inspiring. Fortunes are always dumb."

Fenris's frown seemed to lift.

"I don't know about that Hawke, ordering food when you're hungry seems like a solid solution." he said and Hawke laughed before clapping his hand onto Fenris's shoulder and leaning towards him.

"You might be onto something there you handsome man, I do love to eat." he chimed and Fenris flinched. He pulled a face at Hawke.

"Surely it takes more wine than that for you to say such things."

"Psssh, I'm not drunk. I'm _honest_."

"You're an interesting person, Hawke."

There was a silence as Hawke remained close to Fenris, staring at his face.

"I wanna kiss you." Hawke broke the quiet and Fenris's cheeks turned a remarkable pinkish shade.

"I- what?" he stammered.

"You heard me. Sorry you're just so..." Hawke leaned a little closer, fingers moving to brush against the locks of hair that curled just in front of his surprisingly pointy looking ears. He was mumbling now. "I really like our talks. You always talk like you got the wisdom of the world. And you're really handsome too."

Hawke could see the way Fenris's adam's apple bobbed as he swallowed roughly. Fenris's eyes flickered over Hawke's slightly parted lips and the dark hair that bristled over his chin and surrounded said dampened lips.

"Can I kiss you Fenris?" Hawke questioned quietly, voice now barely above a whisper.

Fenris didn't know what possessed him as he took the first plunge into the deep water. Their lips pressed together messily, the coarse texture of Hawke's facial hair rubbed against Fenris's soft skin. Hawke leaned forwards, he was desperate to get more of him, leaning up to press into him. His other hand moved to snake around Fenris's waist, rubbing small circles against the fabric. Lightly he pulled at Fenris's lip and breathed heavily through his nostrils and Fenris responded positively. He had to take it as a signal that air was needed to be had. Reluctantly with his heart pounding in his chest, the two pulled away.

Hawke stared into Fenris's eyes as they fluttered open. The two caught their breath. Hawke couldn't believe it. They'd kissed! In fact, Fenris had been the one to kiss him! He was almost tempted to give his side a sharp pinch, he was certain he was dreaming. Feeling Fenris's breath over his face reminded him that this was reality.

"I'm...sorry." Fenris suddenly apologised. Hawke stared at him with a confused expression. What was he talking about? Fenris pulled away from him, shuffling out of his grasp.

"Fenris?" he said.

"I...have to go," Fenris told him looking panicked, standing up and brushing the creases out. He cleared his throat. "Thank you for the food Hawke, it was nice spending time with you."

"Hey, Fenris-" but it was too late. Just as Hawke called out to him, Fenris promptly left the room leaving behind the empty wine bottle.

He sighed, slumping back against the couch and staring at the mess he was going to have to clean up.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Huzzah! They finally kiss. A longer chapter this time, what did I tell you? It'd spice up eventually. Here we are!


	5. The Aftermath

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hawke mopes about Fenris avoiding him.

_[21:12  To: Anders   From: Hawke] i think i fucked up :(_

_[21:14  To: Hawke  From: Anders] What did you do this time?_

_[21:14  To: Anders   From: Hawke] well u kno that guy i was talking about_

_[21:14  To: Hawke  From: Anders] The one in Aveline's old apartment?_

_[21:15  To: Anders   From: Hawke] yea_

_[21:15  To: Anders   From: Hawke] well i kissed him_

_[21:16  To: Hawke  From: Anders] For the love of the Maker Hawke_

_[21:16  To: Anders   From: Hawke] no he was totally into it!! i mean rlly he kissed me_

_[21:20  To: Hawke  From: Anders] Then whats the problem?_

_[21:21  To: Anders   From: Hawke] he left straight after idk what i did wrong_

_[21:21  To: Anders   From: Hawke] do u think im a bad kisser_

_[21:25  To: Anders   From: Hawke] what do i do??????_

_[21:31  To: Anders   From: Hawke] dnt ignore me anders i s2g_

_[21:51  To: Hawke  From: Anders] The cat got out sorry, I think you need to stop freaking out_

_[21:53  To: Anders   From: Hawke] i would if i could!!!_

Anders was no use, he figured out eventually. Hawke tossed the phone to one side with a sigh. He just didn’t get it. They had been fairly sober, it wasn’t like one bottle of expensive wine was going to do much damage. More importantly, Hawke had asked and Fenris had been the one to seal the deal. He ran his fingers roughly through his dark brown hair, pushing it back. What did he do wrong? Should he apologise? He figured he wouldn’t know what to apologise for if he did. The touch of Fenris’s lips on his still lingered in faint tingles, he hoped that he would get the chance to do it again. In the least, he knew Fenris was interested in men.

Pushing himself up from the sofa, he cleared the empty food containers and left the wine glasses in the sink. He glanced at the wine bottle that had been forgotten on the coffee table. Hesitantly, he picked it up and studied it once more. It seemed like a waste to get rid of it and it would serve as to some kind of memory of the first time they kissed. Hawke didn’t know if there would be a second but he sure hoped so. There was that and it looked good didn’t it? That he could afford expensive wine? He snorted with laughter and set the bottle down on the countertop. It would stay there for now. With reluctance, Hawke willed himself for an early night.

Time had passed since that evening and Hawke had very quickly noticed how Fenris was avoiding him at every chance. He would walk faster up the stairs than usual, dart into his apartment or even turn the other way when he encountered Hawke. Meanwhile, Hawke just wished to talk and figure the whole thing out. Why did he have to be so difficult? It just wasn’t fair.

And that was how he found himself at The Hanged Man, downing a drink or two alongside Varric and Anders. He drowned out his worries about Fenris with alcohol as Anders found himself forced to explain the situation to Varric. The mindless chatter of the bar was beginning to give him a headache and he was slowly assessing that perhaps this hadn’t been the best course of action. Regardless, there was no stopping him now. He was going to drink until he couldn’t stand up straight and no one could stop him.

“I can’t believe you’re this down over one man, Hawke.” Varric said, shaking his head. Hawke lifted his head. “Don’t you hardly know the guy?"

“That’s hardly the point! I just want answers!” Hawke whined in protest, reaching for his drink and taking a large swig.

“I think you need to stop thinking with your dick and pull your act together.” Varric advised. Before Hawke could respond, a pair of dark-skinned hands slammed on the table and in Hawke’s face a pair of large-set breasts.

“I heard dick. What’s going on?” Isabela interrupted the conversation, grinning a little, clad in her bartender’s outfit.

“Isabela!” Hawke exclaimed, seemingly happy to see her. “You know Fenris don’t you?!”

Isabela was caught off-guard by the sudden question. Varric and Anders exchanged glances as the energetic woman stood back upright and folded her arms over her chest. Hawke was desperate for answers and Isabela seemed like a good bet to get them. They knew each other so surely she would have some advice as to how to talk to Fenris and what he should do about this whole situation.

“I do. How are you finding him as a flatmate hmm? I thought you two might hit it off pretty well, after all, you’re due for some action aren’t you?” she told him with a cheeky grin crawling onto her face, she leaned over to pat Hawke’s back firmly.

“Maker, Rivani, don’t tell me you’re the one getting Hawke into all this mess trying to play cupid.” Varric groaned. Isabela tilted her head in confusion.

“He’s so confusing! I don’t get him!” Hawke said with a huff, taking another large gulp of alcohol to soothe his mind. Isabela chuckled, she gestured for Hawke scoot over and after a deep breath he did. She sat down beside him and leaned on the table.

“Things not working out? I know Fenris can be a little...cold but I figured maybe he’d warm up to your dorkiness.” Isabela asked.

Hawke stared down into his glass before clearing his throat. He proceeded to explain what had happened that night with the Chinese. He left out the part where the whole evening had been a set-up in itself and he didn’t really mess up the order. He watched Isabela's face carefully as he told the story. He couldn’t tell whether she was pulling her best poker face or she was genuinely unsurprised by Fenris’s disappearance after the kiss.

“Also,” Hawke added. “I’m not a dork.”

“You’re not fooling anyone Hawke.” Anders mumbled and Hawke turned around to look at him; alarmed.

“I heard that!” he shouted.

“Okay boys calm down…” Isabela interjected, putting her hands up. Once the two settled, she sighed. “I hoped it wouldn’t be like this. I’ve told him countless times to stop running away when things actually go his way but clearly he still won’t listen to me. Hawke, Fenris is...hmm, how does someone explain Fenris?” She paused to think about it. “Very hot but that’s not the point I’m sure you know that already. He’s kind of reserved I guess, he’s a bit wary of being touched unfortunately. He’ll come around eventually, the guilt will catch up with him because it always does. He’s got a soft side somewhere in there I promise you.”

“You’re telling me to wait this out? He’s running away from me like I’ve got a disease or something!” Hawke argued, fingers tightening around his glass. Isabela hummed softly.

“Well if you’re giving up I’ll happily take another shot at him.” she mused.

“Which poses the question how exactly has this not happened already?” Varric probed, raising his eyebrows.

Everyone knew that Isabela had a track record, some would call it impressive, others would sneer. It was very clear that Isabela didn’t have much trouble finding herself a partner and her decision to be single was just that, a choice. There had been very few people on her list who had outright rejected any advances. One of them had been Hawke himself, a notion based purely on his sexuality and so Isabela had given up on him fairly quickly. The idea that she was willing to try again with Fenris would appear that he was in fact attracted to women, perhaps bisexual? If so, what was his reasoning for rejecting Isabela? There were few men who could, most only stopped by pre-existing relationships or sexuality. As far as he knew, Fenris was single. He felt a warm feeling gather in his gut at the idea that a man who could reject Isabela had wanted to kiss him.

“What can I say? He’s just pretty resistant to my womanly charm.” she laughed, looking away from the group. There was clearly more to it than just that but Hawke didn’t want to press on it. He shook his head.

“I hope you’re right, waiting it is.” Hawke said and finished off his glass.

 So that’s what he did, he waited. He doubted that Isabela would lie to him about this, he also hoped that she had made an accurate judgement. She knew Fenris better than anyone else he knew. In the meantime, he distracted himself with work and tried to ignore the sounds of Fenris opening his front door in the evenings and the urge to stop him to talk that followed it. He wondered if he was making the wrong decision in doing that and if he was the one who needed to make the first step. He gave himself an ultimatum, he’d give it 3 more days and if there was no more words from Fenris he would take the first step in getting something out of him.

Two days past and he was beginning to give up hope when there was a knock on his door. Hawke jumped off the sofa to answer it, going over lines he’d had in his head for the past couple days, only to swing open the door and find the delivery man on his doorstep with his grocery shopping. He sighed, taking the bags off the man and thanking him. He took them inside and returned to pay him. As the man walked away, Hawke began to shut the door when he caught sight of a familiar set of dyed white hair making its way up the stairs at a fast pace.

“Hawke.” he said, hearing his name in that voice again had his heart racing. Fenris caught his breath as he reached the landing. Hawke re-opened his door and looked at him, anticipation running through his veins.

“Fenris.” Hawke greeted in response, he swallowed roughly as Fenris approached him with caution.

“We...should talk.”


	6. It's a date

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hawke and Fenris talk it out.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A short-ish chapter this time, sorry guys! Next one will be much longer I promise :D

“Yes, come in.”

 

Hawke swallowed his pride as he opened the door wide enough for Fenris to step into his apartment. He’d been waiting for this for too long now but now it was time to have this conversation, he couldn’t help but feel incredibly shaky. Fenris didn’t appear to be all that composed either, usually straight-faced and ready to take on the world, Fenris fidgeted on the spot and looked everywhere that wasn’t Hawke. With a lot of hesitance, Fenris eventually set foot inside enough to allow Hawke to close the door behind him. There was a silence hanging over the room as the door clicked shut.

 

“What uh, what did you want to talk about?” Hawke spoke up first, scratching the back of his neck and leaning with all of his weight against his door. Fenris’s hands dug deep into the pockets of his skinny jeans.

 

“I want to apologise for the other night.” he confessed and Hawke wanted to scoff. It was hardly the other night, he thought, the man had left him to ponder over what he’d done wrong for much more than a day or two. Maybe he was overreacting; being melodramatic. He needed to calm down and fast, they were adults and they could have a serious conversation without resorting to childish behaviour no matter how bitter Hawke felt.

 

“Okay.”

 

“I’m not usually so...impulsive. I freaked out, it’s been a while since...anything like this has happened.” Fenris attempted to explain, to justify his actions. Hawke thought about what exact connotations he was getting at with that statement. Fenris didn’t seem particularly old, it seemed bizarre for him to suggest it’d been a long time since he’d kissed anyone unless of course by a while he didn’t actually mean a while.

 

“That’s okay,” Hawke found himself quick to forgive him regardless. He definitely didn’t want things to end here if at all possible, but that led him to the conclusion he needed to know what Fenris wanted now. “So what now?”

 

Fenris fell quiet, fairly apparent that he hadn’t thought that far ahead. His hands made their way out of his pockets and his arms folded over his chest, his eyes quickly finding the floor. Hawke wanted to press the question again but he didn’t want to scare Fenris into running away again. In reality, that was the last thing he wanted right now.

 

“I don’t know. I am unsure what you were expecting from this.” he told him and Hawke frowned. It was a good question.

 

“Well honestly I’d like to do it again but I mean, it’s up to you whether that’s something you’re okay with it’s not like I’m going to force you into anything,” Hawke decided blunt honesty was the way to go, Fenris had said previously that he liked an honest man. Fenris was caught aback by the confession, his eyes widening slightly. When he didn’t reply, Hawke continued. “We can take it slow if that’s what you want, like I said I only have your comfort in mind. I uh, I really like you so I mean if you wanted to like catch a movie or somethin’ I’d really like that.”

 

"I suppose I could indulge you." That...wasn't what he was expecting? Hawke stared at him, it wasn't to say that he wasn't happy he was just...shocked. Wow.

 

“We could...go somewhere this weekend?” Hawke suggested, fingernails digging into his palms.

 

“Okay.” Fenris agreed. The sound of Hawke’s heart thumping his chest overwhelmed any other noise in the room.

 

“Give me your phone I’ll...put my number in. We can text to arrange things.” Hawke continued. Fenris look down as he shuffled his hand around in his pocket before fishing out his phone. He stared at it briefly before putting it in Hawke’s hands. He put the number in and handed it back, smiling.

 

“I suppose I will see you later, Hawke.” he mumbled, looking at his phone and sliding it back into his jean pocket.

 

“Yeah, see you later.”

 

Fenris walked out the door without another word and once the door clicked shut, Hawke exhaled. That could’ve gone a lot worse, he thought. Slumping back onto the sofa, he couldn’t help but grin to himself. It was a date, right? A real date this time, not an accidental one. He had lots of things to consider. What was he going to wear? What movie would Fenris like to watch? Would he want to get dinner afterwards? His mind was racing with thoughts and there surely wasn’t enough time to get through them all. The weekend was steadily approaching by the minute and Hawke needed time to think.

 

 He found himself in a good mood in the time building up. They’d gone back to pleasantries when they passed and Hawke came in for the occasional coffee, in fact now he was starting to understand the difference between the names of the beverages on the board! Things were going well. He knew he had to keep a safe distance, as much as he wanted to grab Fenris by the waist and kiss him when he saw him leaving his apartment, he could satisfied with just a date. This was a beginning.

 

Anders found him on the Friday afternoon, watching the television in the break room with a soft smile on his face. He turned to look at the screen and found nothing particularly interesting on it, it was some generic documentary about frogs or...something.

 

“What’s got you in such a good mood Hawke? You’re really setting the place in high spirits I mean Maker, I think old man Henry smiled at me today.” Anders said, sitting down next to Hawke with raised eyebrows.

 

“I have a date Anders, tomorrow.” Hawke informed him cheerily, sparing him a glance before looking back at the television.

 

“And you didn’t tell me? Oh don’t tell me it’s that...that Fen whatever his name was. The guy in the old apartment.” Anders groaned, brushing a strand of hair away from his face and behind his ear. He pressed his lips together in annoyance, crinkling his nose a little.

 

“Yes, actually, and he’s a delight.” Hawke replied with a pout.

 

“You realise he walked out straight after you kissed right?” Anders shook his head. Hawke rolled his eyes.

 

“It was a mistake.”

 

“And how many more mistakes is he going to make exactly?”

 

Anders sounded bitter. What was he so angry about? Hawke knew he had reason to be concerned after his last relationship but he didn’t even know Fenris yet he was so quick to make rash judgements about him and his decisions. He was just...nervous, which in turn Hawke thought, was very cute indeed. He liked the idea that he made Fenris nervous, weak at the knees.

 

“It’ll be fine Anders, stop worrying so much.” Hawke brushed him off, batting his hand. Anders was quick to go back to shaking his head.

 

“If you say so.” he gave up.

 

Hawke realised when he arrived home that he had yet to text Fenris a time for their date the next day. He had picked something a little scary, he quite enjoyed horror films and Fenris seemed content with the suggestion. He thought he’d see how that went before asking if Fenris wanted to grab something to eat after the movie. He was alerted of this lack of texting when he felt his phone buzz in his pocket that evening. He retrieved it quickly, still fawning over the texts exchanged.

 

_[19:02   To Hawke  From Fenris] Are we still on for tomorrow?_

_[19:03  To Fenris  From Hawke] yes!! how does 8 sound?_

_[19:05   To Hawke  From Fenris] Good_

_[19:05  To Fenris  From Hawke]  then its a date ;)_

 

Was that too forward? Hawke laid eyes on the winky face he had sent. He anticipated the next vibration in his hands.

 

_[19:06   To Hawke  From Fenris] Yes it is ;)_

 

Hawke could feel his heart in his throat. He couldn’t draw his eyes away from the text message, now unable to piece together a text he could respond with. This was enough, if he died now he could be happy. He wished he could tell his past-self, gawking at the man as he stood in the doorway, that said stoic face would send him a winky face. It was a revelation really.

 

He set his phone down and sighed to himself, content. He couldn’t wait for tomorrow night.


	7. Popcorn Kisses

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hawke and Fenris finally have that first date.

It was 7pm and Hawke was beyond nervous. With wet hair from just getting out of the shower, he stared into his closet in hopes of finding a decent set of clothes to wear. He had a solid hour before he needed to emerge from this room. Eventually he picked out a red plaid shirt and slipped it on, debating whether or not to roll up the sleeves. He settled on folding them over just above his elbows. This was followed by a pair of black jeans and brown combat boots. He tied the laces with care and stood upright.

 

He stared into the mirror, at first having second thoughts about his outfit but shaking the idea. This was fine. He was worrying far too much, Fenris likely didn’t care about what he was wearing so long as he didn’t turn up in his pyjamas. He felt better about it anyway. He grabbed the towel he had abandoned on his bed to give his hair another scrub. He combed through it despite knowing the wind would probably undo all his work. He paused, fingers caressing the hairs of his beard. Should he comb this too?

 

Finishing off the job, he applied probably too much cologne and brushed himself off. He daren’t touch anything for fear of something going out of place. He decided to make a quick cup of tea before he left, something to soothe his nerves and thankfully remembered to pop a mint in his mouth afterwards. Hawke didn’t know if he was going to get the chance to kiss Fenris again but better safe than sorry. That being said, Hawke did have all the intentions of buying popcorn whilst they were there. He stared at the pack of mints and shoved them in his pocket. Just in case.

 

8pm approached and Hawke walked out of his apartment to knock on Fenris’s door. He rubbed his hands together, rocking on the balls of his feet. After a pause, Fenris opened the door.

 

“Ready to go?” he asked and he could practically feel the way Fenris’s mossy green eyes raked over him. Maybe his appearance did matter after all.

 

“Yes, just a moment.” Fenris replied, going inside for a moment before returning. He shut his door and locked it, shoving his keys in his pocket. Now he was out of the door, Hawke got a good look at him.

 

A grey hoodie hung over his shoulders loosely(also rolled at the elbows he notices, showing off those impressive tattoos curling around his arms whilst Hawke's were just covered in endless amounts of hair), black graphic tee underneath with familiar black skinny jeans. He loved those jeans on him, they clung to his legs for dear life. He had such long, shapely legs. A beanie was pulled over his head, covering up those fairly pointy ears of his. Strands of white hair poked out from underneath, framing his face. He looked...casual, but good. A heat rose in Hawke’s cheeks.

 

He tilted his head to gesture for them to leave. Hawke found himself tempted to link their hands together but refrained. Just being in his presence was enough. He had to remind himself this was a date, this was a real date. He felt like a school boy all over again. He was a grown man and this was ridiculous.

 

“You like horror films then?” Hawke struck up the conversation as they walked down the stairs together. Fenris hummed.

 

“I suppose.” it was a vague statement for someone who had agreed to go see a horror film on this date. He wondered if Fenris was the scaredy-cat type. Probably not, he glanced at him.

 

“It was the best thing they had on,” Hawke told him, he doubted that despite being vaguely appropriate, a romantic movie would be to Fenris’s tastes. Who knew? He could be just a softie under all that thick skin, maybe he was a sucker for rom-coms. Somehow he figured it might just end up a bit awkward and uncomfortable. “Unless there was something else you’d like to see more?”

 

Fenris shook his head.

 

“I’m happy with this choice of film.” he said. Conversation felt a little stiff. Maybe it was the change in atmosphere? It was hard to say how it felt different just because it was a date but it definitely was. The tense feeling of trying not to mess anything up made it tense, Hawke couldn’t bring himself to feel relaxed in this situation.

 

They were greeted with the cool night air as they stepped outside, darkness hung over the city shielding it from the rest of the world. Hawke stopped, taking a moment to look up at the glimmers of stars. Fenris turned around once he noticed he’d stopped walking to see what had enraptured him. He exhaled softly. It reminded him of...a calmer time.

 

“Sorry I just...it’s nothing,” Hawke brushed it off when he noticed Fenris about to question his actions. He walked forwards and lightly pat Fenris’s shoulder. “Let’s go, we have a movie to catch!”

 

Fenris didn’t seem amused but he shook off the thought and kept walking beside the man. The walk to the theatre wasn’t too far but enough for conversation to be made.

 

“Aren’t you cold?” Fenris asked, looking at his bare arms. He followed Fenris’s gaze, he hadn’t even noticed the slight chill in the air until Fenris brought it up. It prickled the hairs on his arms but wasn’t enough for him to feel particularly cold. Fenris on the other hand he noticed, had his hands huddled up in the pockets of his hoodie and the sleeves had been pulled down to bundle at his wrists. Hawke figured that it was probably more likely that his body fat was keeping him warm. Muscles, he thought with a huff, he was just made up of muscle (it was very manly.) Although the pudge that had gathered around his middle was pretty undeniable, he just wasn’t the workout buff he used to be. He remembered the days he could be bothered to visit the gym fondly. Sure, he lived a much more unhealthy life now but that was fine. He liked video games just as much as he did running on the treadmill.

 

“Not really,” he confessed. Fenris was much smaller than he was, both in height and stature. A nice size to cuddle, he noted. Did he have any meat on those bones at all? He wasn’t complaining however, whatever he was doing it worked for him. “Are you?”

 

Fenris didn’t respond at first, blood running into his cheeks. Hawke noticed the way his cheeks seemed to redden to the same shade as his nose. Surely he must’ve known it was going to be this cold, in which case why didn’t he wear a coat or something? Nights were getting colder after all. Hawke wished he had something to offer him, a jacket or something, something cliché straight out of a romance movie. Maybe they would brush hands in the popcorn bucket too.

 

“A little.” he muttered.

 

“What was that?” Hawke didn’t quite catch it.

 

“I- are you mocking me?” he questioned when he saw Hawke grinning a little at him. The flush on his cheeks reached his neck and he cast a look aside. His eyebrows were furrowed so far they were leaving behind creases.

 

“No no, I’m just playing. You are very cute when you’re embarrassed though.” Hawke said, his grin seemingly stuck on his face as he nudged Fenris’s arm with his elbow. This caused him to look up at him.

 

“I’m not embarrassed.” He protested.

 

“Really? Your face suggests otherwise.” Hawke was teasing him. Fenris shook his head.

 

“Oh be quiet.” that was him giving in and Hawke chuckled. Surprisingly enough, the laughter made a slight smile curl on Fenris’s lips.

 

The rest of the walk there was peaceful, every time he made Fenris crack a smile or laugh a little bit warmed Hawke’s heart, it felt like a small achievement. Fenris seemed relieved to get inside where the warmth was. He rubbed his palms together once he was inside before catching up with Hawke who was ordering the tickets. He reached into his pocket to fish out some money but Hawke stopped him.

 

“It’s okay, I’ll pay for it!” Hawke assured him. Could he really afford it? He wasn’t entirely sure but it was worth it for now. Maybe Fenris could pay next time or something. This man was surely making him spend his money like it was nothing. It was a bad habit to get into. Fenris began to protest but Hawke hushed him. “It’s fine, you can just...pay next time or something.”

 

“Fine.” he replied. Hawke happily paid for the tickets and snacks and then it the realisation of what had been said had dawned on him. They were barely into this date and Fenris had already indirectly agreed that there would be a next time. Hawke guided Fenris into the room, holding the popcorn and drinks, and the two found a decent seat. Hawke squirmed in his seat to get comfortable.

 

As they waited for the movie to start, Hawke glanced at Fenris whose face was illuminated by the light of the screen and couldn’t help but smile. He counted himself lucky, perhaps he would need to thank Isabela at some point for setting this whole situation up, it wouldn’t have happened without her. He also needed to perhaps thank her for having such attractive friends. Fenris didn’t notice him staring, which he was inwardly thankful for. Although he figured maybe it wouldn’t be such a bad thing if he asked, any chance he got to assure the man that he was incredibly good-looking he was going to take. He didn’t appear prideful in the slightest about his appearance which came as a surprise. Perhaps it was just because of the way he was, leaning on the introverted sides of things.

 

“I haven’t been to the movies in a long time.” Fenris muttered quietly, trying to keep his voice down as to not disturb the other people. The gruffness of his tone was hard to keep quiet. Hawke wasn’t sure whether he was glad that it wasn’t crowded, it did seem quite nice. There was less chance that someone would come sit beside them. However the bustle of people would draw attention away from them, Hawke knew that Fenris wasn’t exactly the most ordinary looking person.

 

“How come?” Hawke asked in response. He was genuinely curious. He figured that it might have something to do with money, doing this sort of thing certainly wasn’t cheap. Hawke thought about his empty wallet and sighed.

 

“Felt out of place going by myself.” he said, rubbing the back of his neck. Hawke turned his body slightly to face him.

 

“I can’t imagine you having trouble finding someone to go with you.” he responded with honesty. In honesty, Hawke couldn’t understand why Fenris didn’t have more friends or why he was still single. He hoped he’d never find out why either and that it was just a case of other people being the problem. Fenris shook his head, hands falling back into his lap.

 

“You flatter me, Hawke...” he admitted, staring up at the screen. Hawke followed his gaze, ready to speak again but Fenris interrupted. “The movie is starting.”

 

Hawke reached for a handful of popcorn and popped it in his mouth. It’d have to be left to find out another time.

 

“That was so COOL!” Hawke exclaimed an hour and a half later as he walked out of the theatre with Fenris by his side. He grinned, endlessly chattering about the special effects and some particularly striking scenes from the film (with copious amounts of hand gestures to aid his explanation) to Fenris, who remained quiet but smiling at him as he cheered on.

 

The two walked aimlessly down the street before Hawke suddenly stopped, realising that they had been heading in the direction of the apartment. Fenris stopped a moment later after he had noticed. Hawke had been doing this a lot lately. He hadn’t given him any warning, he just ceased to walk in the middle of street to perhaps ponder life or something along those lines. Fenris wondered if he kept having second thoughts about what he was doing with someone like him, self-doubt bubbling at the forefront of his mind. It had been going pretty well thus far, all things considered, Fenris had no intention of blowing it just yet. Hawke had made a promise to take things slow which he appreciated, he wasn’t sure how fast he could jump into things. Actually going on this date he considered a step forward in the way he had been. He considered that maybe Isabela had been right.

 

“Hey, Fenris,” Hawke began. Here it came, the ‘I never want to see you again’ part. He hummed in acknowledgement, anticipating his next words to hit him like a freight train. “Want to get dinner?”

 

Fenris’s body went rigid. Hawke had full intentions of dragging out this date for as long as he could. The more time he spent with Fenris, the better. Fenris pulled his hoodie closer to his body from the cold. When he didn’t respond, Hawke continued to convince Fenris to accept the offer he was making.

 

“There’s a little place just around the corner from here, it stays open late and there’s never many people. It’s good though, tucked away a bit.” he pushed. Fenris took a moment to think about it.

“...Okay.” he agreed. Hawke stared right at him.

 

“Wait, really?”

 

“Yes. Let’s go.”

 

“I, oh, okay. Yeah, this way.”

 

Hawke grabbed hold of his hand, strolling off in the direction of the small diner. Fenris flinched at the sudden touch as he was unceremoniously dragged along with the broader man. He couldn’t find it in him to protest. Hawke’s fingers were warm and Fenris had found himself chilled by the cold weather, despite being a little clammy it was pleasant. He looked around, checking for anyone walking by in the lights of the street lamps but found no one excuse a man with his dog.

 

Their hands slipped apart when Hawke pushed open the door to the diner. Fenris peered inside. Hawke had been right. It was a quaint little place, reminding him a little of the quieter days at Marethari’s. There was a few people dotted around the dining area, most sat in couples and flirting shamelessly or making a rumble of chatter. Fenris allowed Hawke to guide the way, finding them a place to sit and ordering something to eat from the menu sat in the middle of the table. They settled across from one another, sinking into the blue felt seats.

 

Hawke made polite small talk with the waitress before she scurried off to get their order. Fenris wasn’t sure he could eat much after the snacks he had eaten whilst watching the movie. Hawke seemed unfazed on the other hand, ready to eat himself to death. He’d surely explode, Fenris thought.

 

“I cannot believe you can eat more.” he expressed his thoughts aloud and Hawke gave a hearty laugh. He leaned forwards, resting his arms on the cool plastic of the table.

 

“I’m a big, strong man, Fenris, I need all this food for these killer muscles.” he enthused, flexing one of his arms. Fenris raised his eyebrows. “It’s how I pick up all the dudes.”

 

“Yes sorry to break it to you Hawke, I’m only here for your killer muscles.” Fenris teased in response.

 

“Wow! I’m more than pretty face you know!” he protested, still laughing a little. Fenris smiled, casting a look down. Before they knew it, food arrived, set down in front of them by the nice waitress from earlier. Hawke shovelled food down by the tonne, it was almost impressive. Was there a sport for how much food one could eat at once? If there was, Hawke could take 1st place like it was nothing. He shook his head, taking his own careful mouthfuls of food.

 

"So did you like the movie?" Hawke spoke again with a mouthful of food a little later on, realising he had been blabbering on about the display but never asked the other man his thoughts on it. Fenris cringed at the sight.

 

"Don't talk with your mouth full," he scolded. "No one wants to see that."

 

"Wow, sorry mother." Hawke replied after swallowing his food and snickering. Fenris shook his head. What had he done to end up with such an idiot? Gazing at him, big hopeful eyes and a smile that could make the toughest of men melt all on a broad, strong body, Fenris realised why he had agreed to this in the first place. He leaned on his hand, he hoped he wouldn't scare him off. However, it was better sooner rather later to avoid hurt feelings. There didn't have to be unnecessary hurt.

 

"I did enjoy it by the way." he said, letting their conversation drift into details about the movie they had watched together.

 

Small talk kept up for the rest of their meal, mostly about the movie. Hawke had made an off-hand comment about how late it was, they decided it was time to leave. The chill in the air had only gotten colder in their time inside the diner. It had been a successful date, Hawke thought. It had gone dare say better than he expected it to. He happily walked Fenris back to his apartment, glad he had a reason to walk him to his door. He lingered in the doorway once Fenris had opened the door and took the first step inside. There was a pause.

 

"Thank you." Fenris eventually said, turning around to face Hawke who was now leaning on his doorframe. He looked Hawke up and down, eyes settling on his slightly parted lips.

 

"For what?" he replied curiously.

 

"The date. I had fun." he answered, shuffling his feet a little. Hawke's blinking quickened. Words couldn't describe how glad he was that Fenris enjoyed himself. Honestly, he hadn't expected it to go this well in the first place. He nodded.

 

"Yeah me too." The silence grew awkward. Just as Hawke turned to leave, ready to say his goodbyes, Fenris grabbed him by the shirt collar and tugged him down to crash their lips together. Hawke's eyes widened as he took in what was happening. He settled quickly, grabbing at Fenris's waist and returning the kiss. Air became a desperate need all too quickly and reluctantly they parted. Fenris's hands slipped away from Hawke, he cleared his throat as he looked aside.

 

"I'll see you later Hawke." he told him, voice slightly hoarse.

 

"Yeah. See you." he waved as Fenris closed the door. Hawke calmly walked back to his own apartment, flinging himself on top of the bed when he got there. He rolled into the covers, kicking off his boots as fast as he could. His face was smothered by the pillows and he sighed.

 

A good day indeed.


	8. Fenris

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A glimpse of what Fenris has to put up with.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thought I'd switch things around here and give some insight into Fenris's thoughts and feelings! Enjoy :)

Fenris sauntered out of his bedroom, hair dishevelled, he needed a good cup of coffee. He yawned, rubbing at his eyes and stumbling tiredly over to the open plan kitchen attached to his living room. It was late for sure, he found himself sleeping in until late morning recently. The sleep was nice, he was being plagued by night terrors less and so the extra time in a blissful dream state was much appreciated. His bare feet touched the cold tiles and he shuddered, waking him up a little.

"Hey sleepy-head!" a voice exclaimed. He counted himself glad that she had said that before he picked up any hot liquid which he was certain he would've spilt all over himself. That woman really knew how to make him jump out of his skin. He turned to see her, Isabela, sprawled out on his sofa in her usual fashion. Fenris took a deep breath and pushed his hair back as she sat upright.

"Maker Isabela, you're going to give me a heart-attack," he protested, moving slowly to continue making his daily morning coffee now he was alerted of her presence. Then he paused. "I thought you were stopping this whole finding your way into my house at unexpected times thing."

"I did knock." she argued back and Fenris shook his head disapprovingly.

"I was _asleep,_ " he scowled, pouring his coffee into a mug. She shrugged her shoulders, leaning her arms over the top of the sofa to get a better view of the tired-looking man. He looked over his shoulder at her and realised he hadn't offered a drink. He quickly felt the need to rectify his mistake. "Do you want a cup?"

She shook her head. Fenris walked over with his mug, sitting next to her casually on the sofa. He brought his legs up to sit cross-legged, both hands now wrapped around the warmth of the mug. She moved to sit properly now she didn't have to strain to see him. Her eyes raked over him, not much had changed about Fenris over the years she had known him. Still slept in that cute oversized shirt and a pair of black leggings, she thought with an amused smile. It wasn't the most manly of sleepwear she had told him, adding a cheeky remark about being better off sleeping naked. Fenris had scoffed at the comment, responding stubbornly that it was comfy. Isabela had only laughed.

"Are you going to tell me why you're here?" Fenris brought her away from her thoughts. Was she staring? Fenris stared back at her with furrowed eyebrows. She leaned back and hummed.

"I heard you went on a date with Hawke. I just wanted to check how it was going. You know, he came into The Hanged Man last week complaining about you," she said, drawing her gaze away from him to look up at the ceiling. Fenris felt his heart sink, worry bubbling in his throat. What did that mean exactly? It didn't add up. "I don't even know how much he drank. He was whining about how you left, he really thought he fucked up. That he'd put you off him forever with his bad breath or somethin'. Actually cares about you a lot. He's really hopeless you know, go easy on him."

Fenris's mouth lay slightly parted. He had to swallow when Isabela remarked he was catching flies. He looked away from her, he knew Hawke cared about him but...to go to such lengths. His mind wandered to thoughts of the man, he was a little awkward and dorky but he couldn't imagine him any other way. Cute, he was cute, he acknowledged. Somehow that little puppy dog could be contained in a tall, broad man with _magnificent_ arms- Fenris had to dismiss the thoughts there when he felt a heat rising in his cheeks. Perhaps a hot mess would be a better descriptor for Hawke.

"I didn't realise." he muttered eventually. He hadn't felt this way in quite some time and wasn't really sure what to do with himself now. He raised his mug to take a small sip of the hot coffee.

"Obviously, that's why I'm here!" she rolled her eyes. Fenris sighed and all went quiet. Isabela quickly got frustrated with the silence and continued to talk. "It's okay, you know."

Fenris raised his eyebrows.

"I'm sorry?" he replied, unsure as to what she meant exactly.

"To be involved in all this I mean. Hawke. I'm glad it's working out, I've been trying to hook you up for months! It's good for you I think. You need this." she was fumbling around the point.

"Spit it out woman." he retorted, tired of her beating around the bush. He much preferred when people just said things outright rather than playing games like this. He had a feeling in his gut about what she meant and on second thought, he wasn't sure if he wanted to hear it after all. However, she started speaking before he could take back his words. His fingers tightened around his mug.

"Look, Fenris, you've been away from Danarius for years now. You've grown so much since I first met you when you left home!" she emphasised by reaching to pinch at his cheek. He brushed her hand away and she chuckled. "It's part of the recovery process, getting into this relationship. It's going good right now, yes? Don't let your past ruin it."

There it was. The true intention of her visit. She came to dig up some buried memories in an attempt to pry out juicy details about his relationship. He grit his teeth slightly, letting any aggression subside as quickly as possible. Isabela didn't have malicious intention, he reassured himself, she only always wanted to help him.

"Maybe you should tell him." she suggested and Fenris shook his head as soon as she came out with it.

"Absolutely not, I've barely known him for a month. He doesn't need me to push that kind of baggage on him." he replied firmly. He was certain Hawke didn't need that in his life. Although it posed the question, when would he tell him? Did he really want to scare him away if this relationship got serious? There was two options here, either they'd break up or Hawke would have to find out sooner or later. It wasn't something he'd had to talk about for awhile now and he liked it that way.

"You'll have to one of these days if you plan on staying together. He deserves to know. Hawke doesn't come without his own fair share of baggage as well." she told him, wagging her finger.

"He does?"

"Of course! But that's not my story to tell is it? As is yours isn't mine to tell Hawke." he watched as she pushed herself up and off his sofa. She brushed herself off.

"I suppose not." he said quietly, taking another large drink from his mug. He found himself rather curious now. She snickered.

"Well I'll see you around sweetheart, take good care of yourself and Hawke while you're at it."

 

The thoughts lingered on his mind for the rest of the remaining day. Fenris had text Hawke back and forth throughout the day. He realised Hawke liked to tell him when things happened in life, no matter how dumb they were. He also noticed he didn't exactly mind. He always felt a slight smile grow on his face even if it was something like "i think i accidentally sneezed on an old man today D:". Hopeless, he was.

He worked his shift in a pleasantly cheery mood, one much appreciated by the customers bustling in and out of the cafe. He just couldn't feel it in him to wear his usual grumpy face. He hadn't felt this way in a long time for definite.

"You seem happy today." Merrill said to him, walking over to him whilst he was taking his break. He looked up from his seat to see the slim, black-haired girl smiling at him. She helped herself to the seat opposite him. He wouldn't exactly consider Merrill a friend, but they were a little more than just acquaintances. They worked in the same place and much like Hawke, in the same apartment block as well. She would often find him and talk his ear off about something or other. He didn't mind particularly.

It was at this time Fenris realised he often found himself in the company of women. He wondered if that meant something. As of right now, Hawke was the only male company he kept and not a lot could be said for that. Did they...consider him a gay best friend? No, Isabela had come onto him more than once.

"I suppose." he eventually answered Merrill. She was beaming at him, had that kind of glow about her like she could light up a room with her smile. She was a cute girl, not his type by any stretch of the word, but cute indeed. Hawke was more his kind of cute, he thought with a smirk.

"What's got you so cheery then?" she asked.

"It's nothing." he attempted to reassure her but she didn't buy it.

"Don't give me that. Isabela told me something about a guy, is it that? Ooh Fenris that's so cute!" she cheered, giggling.

Fenris hid his face in his hands. Who exactly was Isabela going around telling about this? Better yet, how did she know Isabela in the first place? He'd kill that woman one of these days, he really would. He wasn't ashamed by any means, he was happy with his relationship with Hawke but he would really prefer it if Isabela didn't go around telling the world. He sighed and peeked out from between his fingers at Merrill.

"Why are you talking to Isabela? How do you even know Isabela?" he questioned, slowly dragging his palms away from his face. Merrill sank in her chair a little, twiddling a strand of hair between her fingers with a faint blush on her cheeks.

"We've been...seeing each other lately. But that's beside the point! Tell me more about this dreamy man." she quickly diverted the topic. Fenris sighed, realising he wasn't going to escape her grasp without telling her something. He attempted to explain Hawke as best he could without pitifully embarrassing himself more than usual.

He needed a drink is what he concluded by the end of his break. He wasn't angry but something to relax would be nice. He was relieved to set foot in his apartment again. He slumped on the sofa, thinking about breaking out another bottle of wine. He paused when he reached in and grabbed the bottle. He stared at it, remembering the incident at Hawke's that had started everything.

His lips tingled at the thought of the first kiss they shared. This bottle brought back fond memories. He smiled a little to himself. Perhaps this bottle would be best shared in earnest. He set it down on the countertop and fished out his phone.

 

_[18:57   To Hawke  From Fenris] I need a drink. Want to come over and share?_

 

He stared at the text message after he pressed send. He was a little nervous, it was the first time he'd invited Hawke over properly. He looked around, the place was...relatively neat. It would be okay.

 

_[18:59  To Fenris  From Hawke] now???_

_[19:00   To Hawke  From Fenris] Yes_

_[19:01   To Hawke  From Fenris] yea id like that :) be over in a min!!_

 

The convenience of living across the landing sure was helpful for this sort of thing. He'd definitely feel somewhat guilty if he made Hawke travel outside in the cold because he wanted a drinking partner. Perhaps it was more than that. Fenris found himself longing to kiss him again. With a content smile, he cleared a few things up in the mean time. He turned when he heard a knock on the door.

 

He was here.


	9. Down with the Bottle

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Over some wine, the pressure builds. Fenris concludes it's time to tell the tale.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A shorter chapter this time. A little NSFW-y but not very.

It was surprisingly easy for them to make their way through the bottle of wine. Hawke was happy to be in Fenris's apartment. Even though Fenris had lived here for awhile he noticed he still didn't seem to have much clutter. There were no boxes full of unpacked things. He wondered if Fenris liked that minimalistic look, it seemed likely the apartment was pretty barren. Yet, he could never give that much stuff up himself. He had too much personal memorabilia, things that reminded him of Bethany and Mother. He wondered about Fenris's family, he never spoke of them and they never seemed to visit. Sure, visits from Carver were rare but he had at least gotten photo frames up in his apartment of the family. Hawke pined to see a younger Fenris, he bet he was cute. It would be weird to see him without all the tattoos however.

After the first bottle, Fenris pulled out another. He popped it open and pour more into the wine glasses. Did Fenris usually drink this much? It seemed like a waste if he bought expensive wine to get drunk on rather something cheaper that could do the same job. Wasn't the whole point of having this fancy wine to enjoy the taste? Fenris, on the other hand, would've been drinking out of the bottle if Hawke hadn't been there.

"How many bottles of this do you have?" Hawke asked, reaching for his refilled glass and taking a large swig. Fenris had to stop and think about it.

"There's probably another 5 in the house." he answered with a nod.

"That's a lot of wine." Hawke said, looking down into the glass of wine and swirling the liquid around before setting it back down on the coffee table.

"I suppose it is." Fenris commented, leaning back against the sofa.

Hawke looked over at him, he could see the way the wine had relaxed him. His shoulders were far from tense, neck exposed from the way he leaned his head back. His chest moved softly in tune with his rhythmic breathing, a glimpse of skin above the waistband of his jeans where his t-shirt had lifted a little. He was remarkable, Hawke counted himself lucky. It also never failed to shock him how he had been single before he met him. Neither one of them had outright declared boyfriend status but it was almost an unwritten sentiment. They had been on a date which made this dating, right? Even this could be counted as a date he thought.

"I really like being with you." Hawke moved closer to him, the words falling from his lips with ease. Fenris lifted his head to look at him.

"Where's this coming from all of a sudden?" Fenris mumbled, allowing Hawke to grasp at his hand.

"It's just the truth. I like to tell you. Is that a problem?" he replied, hand shakily moving up from his hand to caress his arms, his finger running along the tattoos that embraced it. Fenris shook his head but didn't say anything as Hawke moved to caress his jaw. His eyes fluttered shut when he kissed him, lips moving of their own accord. Fenris found himself longing for this, he could taste the wine on Hawke's lips and was more than desperate for more of him.

Hawke was far from bashful about it now, brushing his tongue against Fenris's lips and deepening the kiss. He could hear the hitch in breath as his hands wandered to glide over Fenris's side. He was shocked when Fenris allowed him to press him back against the side of the sofa, his fingers tangling in Hawke's hair and driving his body closer to his. Fenris raised his legs up onto the sofa, allowing Hawke to nestle between them and push against him. He gasped softly against his lips as Hawke obliged, fingers daringly touching the bare skin at his hips from his somewhat raised shirt.

How had it gotten like this? Hawke pulled away from his lips for air and drank in the sight. It was better than any expensive wine, seeing Fenris under him like this. For someone who didn't even accept a handshake when they first met, he was genuinely flattered that Fenris allowed him to touch him even this much. He watched Fenris's hands slide down from his hair to glide along his chest, pulling him in for another kiss which Hawke was more than happy to oblige.

"You taste like wine." Fenris remarked when he drew back, Hawke's eyes fixated on the tongue that poked out to run over his lips.

"As do you." he said, chuckling.

He kissed at his lips followed by his jaw, taking pleasure in when Fenris inhaled sharply. He left a trail of kisses up to just below his earlobe. With slight hesitance, Hawke dared to push a little further. His hand slipped a little further beneath the shirt, making his hands feel cool against his heated skin. The clothing went with it, exposing Fenris's abdomen. He was surprisingly toned for such a small stature. Hawke couldn't help but linger on the tattoos he had seen disappear under his shirt encase his stomach and even trail beyond the waistband of his jeans. How far did they go exactly?

Fenris watched him carefully as he slid down his body, heart hammering in his chest when Hawke's lips met the exposed skin. His thumbs rubbed circles in his hips, glancing up at Fenris to see his reaction. All had been well so far. Fenris was biting his lip, hesitancy in his eyes but no objection. Hawke ran his finger along the edges of his waistband, moving to kiss just below his navel.

Bang.

Wine spilled onto on the carpet.

Through hazy eyes, Hawke found himself on the floor at the side of the sofa leaning against the coffee table with a sharp pain throbbing in the side of his jaw. He reached up to encase the wound with his hand. There was something wet on his lip. It had a metallic tang to it. He blinked quickly a few times before looking up to meet Fenris's worried face.

"I-I'm sorry! I panicked! Oh Hawke you're bleeding I...I will be back in a moment." Fenris was rushing his words, before he knew it he had scrambled to another room. The memory flooded back quickly, he had been running his hands along that beautiful body, his lips kissing his waist and then: collision. Fenris's leg had jerked up, kneeing him square in the jaw.

A moment later Fenris returned with some tissues. Hawke watched him as he leaned over to him, wiping the blood with the tissue. His eyebrows were furrowed, fingers tight around the tissue.

"Are you okay?" he asked as he pulled away, throwing away the bloodied tissues once the bleeding had stopped. Everything still felt somewhat surreal. His head was spinning.

"Yeah I think so. Man, you really pack a punch huh?" he joked, rubbing his jaw. He was a lot stronger than he expected. Fenris frowned and looked down at the floor, eyes catching the spilt wine. He picked up the glass that had fallen over but luckily not smashed. It would take some work to get those stains out of the carpet - Meredith wasn't going to be happy if she found out.

"I am sorry...It's just..." he stammered before exhaling a big breath. Hawke looked up at him.

"No, I'm sorry I obviously went too far, beyond what you're comfortable with. I should've asked before advancing." he assured him. Fenris shook his head, offering Hawke a hand to help him up onto the sofa. He took it gladly.

 "I'm not used to this." Fenris said quietly.

Hawke paused. How...old was Fenris exactly? He'd never asked. Cogs were turning in his brain. If he were a...Would that explain why he hadn't slept with Isabela? Could that be it?

"Are you a..." he began, not sure if he should be asking. It was too late to stop now. Fenris looked up from the floor to meet his gaze. He was expecting a continuation of the question no doubt. Hawke cleared his throat. "A...virgin?"

"It's difficult to explain." he answered. Surely it was a yes or no answer, Hawke thought, but clearly there was something else at play here.

"You know I'm always willing to listen if you wanna talk about it. I won't think any less of you." he tried to assure him but wasn't surely exactly what he was in for. Fenris sighed, running his fingers through his own hair and he leaned back against the sofa.

He was quiet and Hawke didn't press on the subject. If he didn't want to talk about it, he wasn't going to try and convince him to do so. It could be something extremely sensitive for all he knew. As curious as he was, he didn't want to pull at delicate strings.

"I'm damaged goods, Hawke," he spoke up after awhile of silence. "I suppose you deserve to know the truth."

What did that mean exactly? Did he want to know? Fenris's hands fell back into his lap. Hawke tentatively reached to grasp one of them and squeeze it. Fenris looked at him somewhat alarmed.

"You can tell me anything. I'll still care about you." he told him, not entirely certain himself but the words certainly made him feel better. Fenris sighed, looking at him and responding positively to the hand-holding.

"I suppose we should start back at my childhood."


	10. Danarius

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A glimpse of Fenris's past with Danarius.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warning for some not entirely explicit but graphic implications of sexual abuse.  
> Italics is all the past.

_At this rate, he was going to have no air left to breathe. Consumed by the dark of the closet, Fenris struggled to catch his breath. A tightness squeezed at his lungs, tore at his throat until it was raw. This was his quiet place; a space in which he could close his eyes and imagine a better place. It was somewhere he could ignore the footsteps clambering up the creaky stairs of the house and the calling of his name that reverberated in his ears. Every time it drew close his heart pounded in his chest so bad he could practically feel it leaping out of his body. Sweat gathered on his palms, partially because of the confined heat and partially because of the tension. His fingers clawed at his hair, eyes squeezed shut and his bony knees pulled up to his chest._

_Slowly, ever so slowly, the noises drained out and he found himself in that magical place again. A garden, blooming with a variety of flowers. The sun warmed his body, easing the tension. She was there, of course, to rub his back and assure him of safety. Her pale hands contrasted his olive skin, she'd run her fingertips along the hidden bruises and heal them. He let out a sigh of relief and a smile curled on her thin lips. The healing hands moved to brush a stray strand of ginger hair behind her ear. He never truly knew why he felt like she understood him but there was comfort behind her presence and her touch. A family bond, he concluded, everything he'd been told family was._

_"Varania..." he mumbled, addressing his imaginary sister but she silenced him. She rose to her feet, looking down on him._

_"You're safe here." she said. His eyes closed habitually at the sound of her voice._

_The flower petals faded just as quickly as they had appeared, now drifting into a more physical comfort. Embraced by bed covers, Fenris allowed himself to submerge into the soft sheets and relax. It was all too familiar, he'd been here before. His eyes refused to open and despite not seeing her, he knew Varania wasn't here. Something wasn't right. Varania was always here, it was his happy place, a peaceful space in his mind. Where had she gone? His fingers dug deeper into the covers._

_Something was crawling up his bare leg. When had he undressed? He couldn't remember. No matter how desperately he tried, he could not open his eyes here. Sticky, clammy hands grabbed at his thighs. Warm breath against his neck, droplets of sweat falling onto his collar bone. Something hot was applying too much pressure, there was too much force and it was breaking down every barrier that resisted it. The rhythm was encouraging the nausea and bile pooling in his throat and twisting in his stomach. He was caving in on himself, trying to ignore and squirm away from the stinging protest of his body. Scratchy facial hair left rashes against his baby-smooth skin. His mouth opened to scream but nothing would come out, not even a squeak._

_No. No. Danarius couldn't take this from him. A wetness was present on his cheeks. This was his special place, his peaceful space. His body was frozen, unable to cease the onslaught of unwanted memories that were infecting his happy place. No. Please, Danarius. He couldn't take this from him. Please. Anything but this._

_Trying to drown out the sultry whispers of praise in his ear, Fenris opened his eyes with a sharp gasp at the noisy banging rocking the closet door. Thrown back into reality, he swallowed down his anxiousness as the knocking increased in volume._

_"Fenris," cooed Danarius's familiar voice. He trembled at the sound. "I'm sorry my boy, open this door will you? We can talk about this."_

_Compulsion drove him to do so. The apology grinded guilt into his bones, now guiding his hand to the closet door. Danarius stepped to one side, allowing Fenris to stumble out with shaky knees. He hated the way his eyes lingered on him, his lips pressing together to smile at him in a way that made Fenris's skin crawl, a way that made him want to scrub off a layer of filth that had gathered on his body from his stare. When his sticky, clammy hand moved to cup his cheek and direct his head to look back at him he couldn't find it in him to push him away. His rough fingers glided along the sensitive areas of bruising on his cheek. It wasn't enough to hurt but enough to make him flinch at the soft touch. Fenris wondered if he would do the same with the other injuries, the ones that littered below the collar of his shirt._

_"Look at what I've done," Danarius remarked, tutting and shaking his head. Fenris's fingernails dug into his palms - what he had done indeed. "It doesn't have to be this way you know Fenris. Your behaviour just frustrates me so much sometimes, I don't want to do any of this but you provoke me so. Harm doesn't have to come your way," he sighed. Fenris's eyes drew towards the floor as his hands stroked his hair. It was a gentle touch. "You should know by now what I expect of you, I'm only doing it to protect you. If something happened to you I'd never forgive myself. Imagine what your mother would say. If you're a good boy I'll never have to hurt you again. Do you understand? Will you be a good boy?"_

_Fenris took a shaky breath before he spoke, "Yes. I'll be good."_

_"That's my boy." Danarius chimed with such affection, the praise dripping off his words like a hidden poison. His body drew cold as his hands left him. He hated the way he craved more of it now it was gone. He was addicted to the simple touch, desperate and hungry for the gentleness of Danarius's hand. He just had to be good, it was simple enough. He could do that._

_Night was falling._

_"Go to bed, Fenris." Danarius commanded him after a moment of silence. He nodded, obeying without a second thought. Shame and humiliation crawled over him as he was watched saunter to his bedroom. A gut feeling reminded him that when he clambered on the bed and under his covers that it was likely that the bed would not be cold tonight._

Hawke’s mouth moved aimlessly, at a loss now of what to say. He wanted to lean over and wrap him in his arms, kiss all over his face and tell him it was going to be okay. He didn’t know whether he would appreciate that or not, Fenris was quite sensitive to the touch after all and now he understood why. A seething anger for the man’s stepparent made his stomach churn at the thought of him. What he wouldn’t do to grab hold of his throat and squeeze the life out of him. A slow and painful death was most suited. Hawke couldn’t take his eyes away from him, Fenris, the beautiful man sat beside him with soft olive skin and mossy green eyes shielded by fluffy white hair. He didn’t know how anyone could lay their hands on him like that, especially as a young teenager.

“I’m sorry...Fenris.” was all he could squeeze out. It was a hesitant gesture but he managed to reach over and hold one of his hands. Fenris looked up from the floor, watching Hawke rub his thumb along his knuckles and fingers.

He wondered why this story was relevant to his previous question but then it hit him. It made sense, he eventually thought, that the reasons Danarius made Fenris’s skin crawl extended past simple fear and beatings. He concluded that if he sat on it for too long he was going to puke. Fenris would’ve been young, too young. He didn’t blame him for his nervousness. He didn’t want to ask if there had been anyone else intimately after that. If there hadn’t, he thought with a squeeze of his hand, that it was now his job to cleanse Fenris of the memory and replace it with a positive experience. That was providing he would let him. He hoped he would.

“Don’t apologise, it wasn’t your fault that he was a sick bastard. I am just glad to be rid of him.” Fenris growled, squeezing his hand back which caught Hawke by surprise. He nodded.

“You left though, didn’t you? You escaped him.” Hawke asked for reassurance. He wanted to know he was rid of him for good, that now he only lingered in the distasteful memories in Fenris’s head. He wanted Fenris to be safe, first and foremost. Hawke couldn’t help but think he would always wonder otherwise, always worry for his safety.

“Yes, in a sense I suppose. I...started acting out towards my late teens, I met Isabela and she encouraged the behaviour. Danarius was furious,” he told him. The hair and tattoos Hawke assumed. “Though I am a little regretful of going so far. It has been many years since I left and when I see them I...I remember why I got them in the first place.”

Hawke frowned. He did think the tattoos were a little extensive but to hold such a painful memory within them...Yet he still found himself wishing to know far they went. They were on his face, his neck (which he couldn’t help but find particularly painful to look at), his arms and now he saw them circling his abdomen and even trailing below the waistband of his jeans. Did they…? No, probably not, right?

“I couldn’t imagine you without them I...I think they’re a part of what makes you Fenris. You might not want to hear it but I think they’re quite beautiful like...flower vines or somethin’. Protecting the beautiful flower from further harm.” Hawke said, lifting their joint hands to kiss the tattoos running up his fingers. It was cheesy, incredibly so, but not far from the truth. Fenris  looked at him, he smiled with an exhale and then shook his head. He wasn’t...angry at that comment?

“You’re an idiot.” he replied but it wasn’t full of discontent or anger, it sounded more...affectionate. Fenris slipped his hand out from his grasp and settled in his lap.

“Your idiot,” Hawke quipped in response, grinning and leaning forwards to press a gross, wet kiss on Fenris’s cheek. He laughed a little, pushing the man away from him and wiping his cheek in protest to the contact. His laughter warmed his heart after the depressing conversation they just had. He needed to smile more often, that was when he was most beautiful. Not that he wasn’t good-looking all the time - just his smile was one to be treasured. “Are you ticklish Fenris?”

“Hawke I swear-” but he was interrupted by probing hands at his sides. Hawke found himself chuckling as Fenris erupted into stifled laughter, batting at his hands. He pressed kisses along his jaw as he laughed.

Thoughts of Danarius were long forgotten.


	11. A place to go

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Things began to settle between Hawke and Fenris, but how long will that last?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Wow it's been over a month since I updated! Sorry. I've been super busy with college and such ;-; this is long overdue!!  
> I'm on my break now though so maybe I'll start getting back on track and making up for lost time. Here you go!

 Hawke knew he couldn’t tell anyone. While he knew that perhaps he could find a friend to confide in and ask for answers, he didn’t think Fenris would like it if he did. You couldn’t go around telling people about someone else’s abuse story. However, the problem at hand was he still had no idea how he should be going about this situation. He’d spent the night with him although nothing happened. He’d kissed and cuddled him until they fell asleep and he couldn’t be more grateful. That’s where he found himself. Sprawled out on the sofa, half awake now, his jeans digging in uncomfortably into his hips and no doubt had left behind red welts in his skin. Right now, he couldn’t find it in himself to care, not when Fenris was laid on top of him fast asleep.

It warmed his heart, his cute sleeping face pressed against his chest, white hair a mess with strands sticking up in places. The temptation was too strong and Hawke mindlessly ran a hand through the soft locks of hair. He smiled contentedly as it elicited a small groan from him. Fenris stirred at the contact.

“Sorry I didn’t mean to wake you.” Hawke whispered when his eyes met green ones. Fenris stared, taking a moment to drink in the sight of him. He shook his head, rubbing his eyes. He was cute when he was sleepy. Reluctantly he pulled up from the warmth of his body, now sat straddling him, and stretched. Hawke watched the way his creased t-shirt rose with the pull of his muscles and how it exposed his navel.  To think he was kissing there last night.

“It’s okay, what time is it?” Fenris mumbled in reply. He hadn’t thought to check.

“Not a clue.”

Fenris hummed as he lowered his arms. He shuffled away from him, getting off his body and standing up. Hawke sat upright and watched him walk towards the kitchen.

"Can I get you anything?" he asked, preparing to make some coffee.

"Is that instant coffee?" Hawke answered with a question. Fenris looked over his shoulder at him and raised his eyebrows.

"Yes...? Is that a problem?" he replied.

"Oh no, no not at all. I'd like a cup if you don't mind." he said with a smile. Fenris didn't reply, just nodded and turned back around to pour out two cups of coffee. Hawke took a cup from him when he returned, wrapping his hands around the warmth. He shuffled up his legs so Fenris could sit beside him. It was nice actually, as much as he loved the stuff Fenris made for him at the cafe, simple instant was always a delight (and cheaper).

Last night had been truly a step forward in their relationship. Hawke really felt like he was getting somewhere with the man.  He'd never been so aware of the butterflies in his stomach until he'd gotten this far, this...domestic. This was the first time they'd spent the night together.  As much as Hawke desired to ravage him, Fenris had the willpower to tell him of his uncomfortable history and he respected that. He'd just have to wait, he was fine with waiting. The waiting would only make it better when it did happen.

Where did things go from here?

 

It happened more and more, spend a lot of time at each other's apartments and talking to each other at every given opportunity. Hawke treasured every brush of their lips and the mingling warmth of their bodies. He found himself always lingering on thoughts of Fenris, particularly at night under the toasty sheets of his bed. He wondered if he did the same, Hawke's cheeks flushed at the thought of Fenris enjoying himself to thoughts of him. That was some material for later.

Walking past The Hanged Man after he finished work, he paused. Perhaps he could treat himself to a drink or two. It wouldn't hurt. He shrugged his shoulders, taking a few paces back and pushing open the door. It might be a good chance to have a brief chat with Isabela, she'd be working her shift at this time. He sat down cheerfully, drumming his fingers on the table and looking around for any sign of the dark-skinned woman.

What he didn't expect to see when he found her was Fenris by her side. He knew the two were close friends for what seemed to be obvious reasons now. He didn't mean to eavesdrop, he knew both parties well but he couldn't just butt in and demand to know what they were talking about.  At any rate, Fenris didn't seem happy. He always had a frown on his face generally but this was deeper than usual and Hawke was beginning to get used to him not being so grumpy when he was around.

"I'm sorry sweetheart I can't, you know I'd pay for a hotel if I could. I mean jeez, I'd let you stay at my place but you know why that's difficult right now." Isabela said, she reached to rub Fenris's shoulder but he pushed her away.

What were they talking about? Hawke shuffled to the other end of the seats to listen closer.

"I know but what am I supposed to do?" Fenris countered with a question. Isabela frowned at him.

"Oh I don't know Fenris tell your _boyfriend_ maybe? I thought you told him about your situation." She put her hands on her hips, cocking them to one side slightly.  Whatever it was, she didn't seem impressed by Fenris's defiance.

Hawke hoped dearly that he was hearings things wrong. Was there more that Fenris wasn't telling him? He thought he'd done well to pluck some trust from the man.

The comment caused Fenris to fall silent, looking at the floor like a stubborn child who just got a tongue lashing. Eventually he spoke, "He gets enough trouble from me. I did tell him, I did. I don't want him to have to worry."

Isabela shook her head disapprovingly.

"That's what boyfriends do, they worry. You were going to have to tell him one way or another, believe it or not he's going to panic if you disappear off the face of the Earth for awhile." Isabela replied.

 _Disappear._ Hawke really needed some answers but he definitely go around demanding them or he'd know he was listening in. But it was out of concern! He had reason to worry for Fenris's safety when he was talking about leaving or something like that. Was he going to go without telling him? He couldn't that surely, everything had been going so well. He really wished that it wasn't all for nothing. It couldn't be.

Fenris grumbled in response.

"Besides," Isabela continued. "As much as I care about you sweetheart, you can't go around breaking my other friend's hearts too. You already crippled him once with your leaving. Hawke is like an oversized puppy. Poor thing will never know what he's done wrong if you punish him while you're on a good run."

Hawke scoffed at the comparison. He wasn't a puppy. He might be as hairy as one but- actually forget it.

"What do I tell him?" Fenris questioned. Yes, this was what Hawke wanted to know too. What was going on?

"Tell him what you told me," Isabela said plainly. Fenris's shoulders relaxed. That wasn't helpful in the slightest Hawke thought. "Listen, no one is going to give away your whereabouts I'm sure it'll be fine. If you're worried, ask Hawke."

Hawke watched the way Fenris's eyes widened.

"No I couldn't I...we've only been dating-"

"Hush. You two seem pretty cosy with each other. Think of it as strengthening your relationship."

Fenris walked straight past Hawke without even realising it when he left. Isabela sighed and resumed working. He supposed that Fenris would come talk to him at the apartment. He hesitated before standing up. That's right, he'd go home and he'd probably want to discuss whatever it was with him. He had to be there, what if he changed his mind? Screw the drinks, this was much more important. Without a second thought, Hawke was out the door just as quickly as he had come in. He headed back to the apartment block with long strides, bless his long legs. By the time he had reached the top of the stairs, he had seen no sign of Fenris.

He unlocked his door, settled down in his apartment and waited. It wasn't entirely impossible that he'd gotten home before Fenris but it seemed unlikely. Was it worth texting him? Hawke stared at his phone. He could do this.

_[19:22  To Fenris  From Hawke] you ok? :)_

The smiley face was necessary, he figured, he didn't want to come off as if he knew something was up. They hadn't talked all day so maybe it was reasonable to send this kind of message.

And so, Hawke waited. He turned on the television to soften the dullness of sitting around.

No reply.

He checked the time. It had been half an hour since he'd sent the message. It was likely Fenris was home but he didn't hear anything from across the hall. Was he ignoring him?

He fell asleep on the sofa eventually, the low hum of the television haunting his dreams as he slumped his head back against the pillows. His phone rested on his chest and somehow he didn't end up moving enough for the device to slip off and hit the floor during the night.

Feeling the sun hit his face through the window, he realised he had never shut his curtains last night. He groaned, stirring at the hot contact. He sat up slowly, grabbing hold of his phone as it was about to slip. He checked the time with it and looked for any indication of a reply from Fenris. Still, nothing. Hawke flopped back against the sofa. He couldn't think of any reason for Fenris to be mad at him. He just wanted to know he was safe. Couldn't he give him that at least?

It wouldn't get off his mind, it was all he could think about. Whilst he made his morning coffee, whilst he brushed his teeth, whilst he worked. He debated marching straight into Fenris's apartment and asking but he couldn't bring himself to do such a thing. He didn't even have Anders to complain to, they didn't work that shift together.

He was done with this day. He trudged up the apartment block stairs when he saw him. Fenris emerged from his apartment door.

"Hawke." He uttered softly. Hawke swallowed roughly.

"I've been worried sick you haven-"

"Can we talk?"

Hawke was silenced by this. Fenris seemed to have a knack for doing these sorts of things and then asking to justify himself. He wished that just once, Fenris would be open from the start.

"Yes."


	12. Domesticity

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Fenris and Hawke get more than comfy with each other.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Alas, porn!

"Are you sure?"

Hawke stared at Fenris as the words escaped his lips. Fenris pushed his lips together.

"It's why I never take my holidays at work. I never know whether I'm going to need to take a big chunk off. Look Hawke, I don't want to pin this on you but I'm running out of options," he said, rubbing at his temples and taking a steady breath. "I...don't want to be by myself if I'm going to stay in this building."

He wasn't looking at him. Hawke felt his heart thump in his chest, Fenris always seemed so vulnerable whenever Danarius was brought up. It was understandable, the step-parent had ripped away at every last piece of self-confidence he had; he left him to pick up the pieces. Despite the forced circumstances, the idea of living together even for a week or two seemed a big step. They said that you didn't truly know your partner until you lived together. He shook the thought from his head. It wasn't like Fenris had just asked him to marry him.

There had been nothing more heart-breaking than the look in Fenris's eyes when he told him he'd caught wind of Danarius being in town. He'd been seeking out the vulnerable young adult Fenris had become ever since the day he left. When asked, even Fenris didn't quite know why he did desperately sought after him for a family reunion of sorts. He figured that it could only be for vicious reasons. Fenris would rather die than let him put his grubby hands on him again.  Fenris worried for his safety if Danarius caught hold of him. Even so, hiding behind Hawke did wonders for crippling the independence he'd worked up for himself.

He had nowhere else to turn.

"It's okay if you say no-" he began.

"It's fine. Why would I say no? I'm here for you whenever you need me." Hawke interrupted him, twitching slightly in a need to reach out and grab Fenris's tense pair of hands. He watched Fenris's shoulders relax slightly.

"...Thank you Hawke," he said, clearing his throat. "I'll stay out of your way, I'll sleep on the couch I'll-"

Hawke couldn't resist any longer. He reached out and grabbed hold of Fenris's hands, squeezing his fingers tightly. Fenris's declaration lost its words. Their eyes lingered on each other. The rubbing of Hawke's thumb on his knuckles slowly synced up with the rhythm of his breathing.

"Sleep with me." Hawke suggested firmly. Fenris inhaled sharply, his hand squeezing back against Hawke's.

Then it hit him, how that must've come out.

"Oh no I didn't mean it like that I just...I just meant in the same bed you know, I won't, I would _never_ touch you unless you wanted me to! I respect you and what you want. I mean you don't have to I thought we were comfortable with each other but you should at least take the bed. And...And I mean you said you didn't want to be alone right?" he rambled until they died down from Fenris's light laughter.

"Hawke it's alright. We...can sleep in the same bed." he assured him, lacing their fingers together. Hawke sighed with relief, he thought for sure Fenris would be angry at him. It sunk in eventually and his eyes lit up.

"Wait, really?" he asked. Fenris nodded and a smile grew on Hawke's face. From next to him on the sofa, Hawke pulled Fenris into his lap and wrapped his arms tightly around him. "You won't even think about any of this! We'll make the most of this time together."

Silenced by Fenris's lips on his, Hawke felt himself melt into the embrace. Fenris's thin fingers caressing the bristles of his beard and making himself feel at home in his arms, what more could he want?  He ran his hand through his dyed hair when he nestled into the crook of his neck and steadied his breathing.

"I appreciate this." Fenris muttered against his skin. When Hawke felt his breath on his neck, goose bumps prickled up his arms. He could hold this man forever and it'd all be okay.

 

Hawke didn't consider himself used to waking up with a body beside him. He had his fair share of trysts and one night stands when he was a teenager but since he got to his mid-twenties it was practically unheard of. Varric on more than one occasion had tried to set him up but truth be told, as much as his dry spell had pained him from time to time, he knew he wouldn't be content until he settled. The sun was creeping in from behind the curtains and he couldn't help but be reminded of the day Fenris moved in. It had been on a day like this that he had heard Isabela crashing around in his apartment.

Speaking of Fenris, Hawke glanced over to see the sleeping body in front of him. He didn't know at what point during the night he'd draped his arm over him but he wasn't going to complain and apparently neither was Fenris. In fact, he'd huddled up so close to him he could smell the shampoo used on his hair. It'd be so easy just to brush his lips over the skin of his neck. The more awake he grew, the more aware he became of the circumstances. Namely, one particular _circumstance._

His erection pressed firmly against the small of Fenris's back. Everything felt so much hotter than it had a couple seconds ago. Fenris didn't seem to notice. Hawke found himself at a loss of what to do, if he moved Fenris would probably wake up. It wouldn't exactly be acceptable to jerk off in the bed either. Was there a way around this? He definitely didn't want to scare Fenris off.

Somehow, he managed to pluck a little bit of courage. He would immediately stop if Fenris wanted him to. Burying his face in the back of Fenris's neck, he gave an experimental roll of his hips to rub himself against his body. He could feel Fenris's ass push against the press of his cock. Hawke's breath hitched. This was good it had to be sinful. The next roll of his hips garnered a slight sleepy moan out of Fenris and Hawke thought for sure that the way this was going he was going to cum in his boxers. He felt like a teenage boy going through puberty all over again.

"Hawke..." Fenris's sleepy voice rumbled. Hawke flinched. With tired green eyes, Fenris looked over his shoulder at him. He smiled awkwardly back at him before the man turned around to face him. The gratifying heat of his lower back and ass was gone, he mourned silently for it.

However, all was well when Fenris pressed a lazy kiss on the side of his mouth. Hawke wondered how awake he was. Apparently awake enough, Fenris ran his fingers along Hawke's chest and kissed him again softly. Life couldn't be better.

Nevermind.

Hawke needed to pinch himself to make sure he wasn't dreaming when Fenris's hand reached down and firmly cupped his crotch. Oh. _Oh._ That wasn't what he was expecting.

"F-Fenris hey you don't have to-" he began.

"Shhh." Fenris silenced him. Protests died in his mouth. His hand shamelessly tugged at the band of his boxers followed by directly grasping his thick cock. He lightly pushed Hawke onto his back and straddled his thighs. When Hawke looked up, he considered it to be one of the most beautiful sights he'd ever seen. Hair tussled, a somewhat sleepy look in his eyes, dishevelled clothing, and a hand firmly around the base of his shaft. The sheets had been tossed aside.

"Are you sure?" Hawke said quietly. Fenris glanced down at what he was holding before looking back into Hawke's eyes.

"Yes. It's fine, I want to." He answered and glided his fingers along the length of his shaft. Hawke groaned appreciatively. He was glad that Fenris wasn't put off by his size, especially being so small himself. He knew that some were put off by his impressive girth, deeming him too big to ever fit. Fenris didn't seem fazed by it.

Coming to a decision not to protest anymore for fear of that hand being taken away, Hawke remained quiet except for his quickened breathing and the soft moans Fenris drew out with every pump of his cock. Skilful fingers rubbed away the pre-cum gathering at his tip, taking a  bit of extra time to carefully massage his balls. He couldn't tell if it was because it was Fenris or if Fenris was just really good at handjobs but it was by far the best handjob he had experienced. No other handie would ever compare to this if he and Fenris were to ever split up. He hoped that would never be the case regardless. The realisation that Fenris was a virgin was one that hit him hard. He tried not to think of the reasoning behind these excellent movements and focused on what was happening.

Hawke massaged the flesh of Fenris's thighs as he neared completion. Fenris's own breathing seemed to stagger as his inner thighs were caressed and squeezed. Hawke rolled his hips to get more of the hand on his cock, any time now he'd cum.

"Fenris..." he breathed as he climaxed, then followed by a moan. Fenris withdrew his hand slowly, glancing at the sticky white ejaculate creeping down his palm and between the gaps of his fingers. It took Hawke a moment to realise the mess he'd made, calming down slowly from his euphoria.

He scrambled for the first drawer of his nightstand and pulled out some tissues. He handed one to Fenris who took it with hesitance and wiped away the semen from his hand.

"Thank you." He commented as he did it. Hawke laughed.

"I should be thanking you." He responded, pulling Fenris closer by the hips and down to kiss him. Fenris tossed away the tissue and cupped his cheeks to kiss him more deeply.

When Hawke pulled away, he glanced down at Fenris's body. He grabbed Fenris's wrist when he moved to get off the bed. Fenris turned, wondering what Hawke was up to now. He'd already given him a handjob, what more could he want?

"Let me return the favour." He suggested.

"That's really okay-"

"No, hey, I want to. I want to make you feel good." Hawke let go of him. He wasn't going to stop him if he wanted to leave now.

When Fenris relaxes in his grasp, Hawke can't help but be relieved. Fenris glided his hands along Hawke's chest in silence, realising that the display of Hawke below him had really turned him on, before saying "Alright."

A handjob simply wouldn't do. Hawke pulled him even closer, hands moving to push up the long shirt he wore and press a kiss to the side of his navel. His thumbs caressed his hip bones before reaching for the waistband of his leggings. He rolled them carefully down over his hips. He anticipated to answer a question he'd wanted to know. When they bunched at his thighs, Hawke noted the lack of hair. He knew Fenris was pretty smooth all around but this didn't even feel like stubble. His hair was this light naturally? He and Fenris contrasted quite strongly.

Alas, the tattoos stopped at his hips but continued down his legs. Hawke considered himself somewhat relieved that they didn't cover more intimate areas. He wasn't sure what kind of pain tolerance a man must have to be able to get a tattoo on his dick. It'd be inhuman. Hawke kissed the head of his cock which brought out an undignified gasp from Fenris's lips.

"O-Oh...you're...you don't..." He mumbled and Hawke was going to have none of that.

"Shhh." He mocked him with a grin. Fenris huffed. He ran his fingers through Hawke's hair as he leaned up to lick along the side of his shaft and over the slit. Fenris was slightly more vocal than Hawke had expected (and imagined) when he moaned as Hawke took the head into the warmth of his mouth. He glided his tongue along the underside of his cock whilst he took in more, sucking him in.

The moans only intensified as Hawke rubbed the smooth skin of his balls. Fenris thrusted up into the warmth, using all self-restraint not to fuck his mouth. His hands fisted his hair more roughly as he drew closer and closer to climax. Hawke reached one hand around to grab at his ass. He squeezed a cheek, drawing out a groan from Fenris.

"Hawke...fuck..." he moaned, Hawke wanted to chuckle around his cock. He wasn't sure if he was surprised that Fenris was the type to curse in bed. It was oddly fitting in some weird way.

Finding himself wondering if Fenris had ever had a blowjob before, he considered the possibility of him being his first. Well, it seemed like he was having a good time if that string of curses and moans were anything to go by. Hawke felt the temptation to delve between his cheeks and find his hole but he'd have to save that for another time. He could probably get away with it whilst Fenris was in such a state of bliss but he didn't want to push the boundaries unwillingly. Hopefully he'd get to touch him there one day in the future.

"I'm going to..." Fenris said desperately all of a sudden. Hawke looked up at him, mouth still firmly around him to make his intent clear. Fenris moaned as he jerked his hips, spraying his cum on Hawke's tongue. Hawke pulled away, swallowing confidently and watching Fenris's expression as he did. "That was..."

"Incredible?" He finished for him, wiping his lips with the back of his hand. Fenris smiled wryly.

"Yes." He answered, leaning down and kissing Hawke's lips once again.

All in all, Hawke considered that life was pretty good. If it could stay this way, that'd be fantastic but he had a feeling that it wasn't going to. A bad feeling.

"Come on, let's get cleaned up." Hawke said. He swatted Fenris's ass lightly causing him to jump.

But, he smiled.


	13. Stormy Weather

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> There's a disturbance in the lobby.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm so so sorry it's been so long again aaaa I'm terrible at this!!  
> Another chapter here you go!

It was a weird thought thinking Fenris was using his shower. Despite the events that’d happen earlier that morning (a giant step in their relationship might he add), still the idea was one that Hawke couldn’t stop thinking about. Though, he knew he best not delve too deep into his imagination or he’d find himself in an awkward position, one that was best avoided. Baby steps, he thought, they’d gotten over that first hurdle of intimacy now and it’d be set at Fenris’s pace. It was probably best that way.

And for a while Hawke almost forgot the reason Fenris was at his apartment in the first place. The daunting threat of Danarius. Hawke didn’t consider him a man who enjoyed getting into fights or anything of the sort. He was quite a softie in fact but friends would argue that he had quite the strength and fury behind him if provoked. Hawke didn’t tend to think of himself that way, his height and build was enough to scare people away even without a bad attitude. Not that he thought Fenris would be particularly intimidated by him, he tended to stick up for himself. He supposed he needed to. Could he stand up to Danarius if he approached Fenris? He hoped so.

Hawke pulled on his jeans and a fresh t-shirt. He wondered what kind of man Danarius was. The fact that he was an asshole was an undeniable one but what did an asshole look like? Fenris hadn’t been particularly descriptive when it came to what he was actually looking for. He suspected an older gentleman. His nose crinkled at the thought as he brushed the creases out of his shirt. He didn’t want to think about Fenris being subjected to anything like that at the hands of a gross wrinkly old man. Would it be okay to ask?

The sound of the shower ceased and Hawke heard his own breath falter.

“Hawke,” he heard Fenris call out. Swallowing his courage he walked to the bathroom approach to see Fenris leaning half out of the doorway.

If he and Fenris were to stay together, which he wished would be the case at this current moment in time, Hawke felt as if he would never get tired of the sight before him. Fenris stared at him behind damp white hairs sticking to his forehead, it was ruffled - a poor attempt at towel drying it no doubt - and dripping droplets of water down his neck. His fingers clasped the edge of the door that he was holding open. A towel wrapped tightly around his waist was the only barrier between Hawke and Fenris exposing himself. He must’ve caught Hawke sizing him up from his collarbone to the curves of his legs as he coughed to clear his throat.

“Oh, yes.” Hawke replied.

“Could you um, get me my clothes?” he asked and Hawke nodded. He disappeared back into the bedroom to find them. They were in a bundle on the floor, left overnight. Would Fenris want to wear these? He picked them up and carried them to Fenris.

“Thanks.” Fenris said with a nod and took the clothes, shutting the door after him.

“You’re welcome!” he called back to him once the door was closed. Fenris did seem to like his modesty. At this point there wasn’t anything he hadn’t seen exactly but he supposed they’d get to be completely naked in front of one another yet. If he wanted to change away from his prying eyes that wasn’t his problem.

Hawke looked up when the door re-opened, to his surprise Fenris still wasn’t dressed.

“On second thought could you...go to my apartment and get me some fresh underwear? And this shirt has a mark on it I think I spilt something yesterday…” he requested, fidgeting slightly.

“Why don’t you borrow something of mine?” the words slipped out with a surprising amount of ease. There was a small silence and Hawke wondered if he’d overstepped his boundaries. Though, the thought of Fenris dressed in his clothes was just another thing to fuel those late lonely nights. Fenris looked up from the floor to meet his gaze.

“Is...that okay?” he responded with hesitance. Hawke could feel his heartbeat increase in pace.

“Of course.” Hawke nodded and disappeared back into the bedroom.

When he got to his drawers he made the conclusion that he wouldn’t actually have any clothing that would fit Fenris properly. He forgot about how differently built the smaller man was. Anything he gave him would swamp the poor guy. Though, he wasn’t going to lie and say the idea wasn’t cute because it most certainly was. He picked out the smallest pair of boxers he owned and wondered what to do about the shirt. A large hoodie would be cute and wearing hoodies that were too big for you wasn’t exactly the biggest fashion crime, in fact they were often comfy.

Once he obtained the clothes, he walked back to Fenris who was still shuffling his feet on the tiles of his bathroom floor.

“Put these on, they’ll be a bit big.” Hawke instructed, handing over the items of clothing. Fenris had guessed as much, there was no way he was going to have anything that was going to fit him right. He nodded and disappeared back behind the door.

Hawke waited patiently for him to dress. His head snapped up as he heard the doorknob turn. Fenris walked out of the bathroom.

It was better than anything he could’ve hoped for. The hoodie hung over his small frame, they’d been bunched up at his wrists so he could freely use his hands. The V of the collar showed the edges of his collar bones. It rested slightly bunched part way down his thighs which were hugged by his usual skinny jeans. Fenris pushed back the wet hair sticking to his face and Hawke had to swallow. There was a sweet satisfaction knowing that he was wearing _his_ underwear too. He wondered if he’d let him kiss him.

The answer, apparently, was yes. Hawke approached him with a smile that seemed to reassure him. With one hand he grasped lightly at his waist and pressed a tentative kiss against his lips. Fenris smiled back reaching for his jaw and returning the notion with an open mouthed kiss. As they parted, Hawke felt like he knew he could be happy this way.

The moment was broken by a knock at the door. Hawke spared Fenris a worried glance.

“Stay here,” he told him, pulling away from him and walking to the front door. He took a deep breath and opened it.

...Varric?

Hawke stared at the small man, raising his eyebrows.

“There’s a guy in the lobby asking for your boyfriend,” Varric informed him. Hawke inhaled sharply. Danarius, it could only be Danarius right? Varric knew everyone in this town so he would’ve specified if he knew him. “I tried to tell him that he didn’t live here but he wouldn’t believe me. He’d pretty convinced, I think someone might’ve told him.”

“What did he look like?” Hawke questioned. He really did want to know what this Danarius guy looked like but he didn’t exactly want to approach him either. He was best avoided if possible.

“Tall-ish,” he began. Hawke bit his tongue attempting to refrain from making a comment about how everyone was tall compared to Varric. “Older man, grey hair pulled back into this little shitty ponytail and a beard,” Varric too had a little ponytail but once again, Hawke pulled himself back from mentioning that. “He was pretty forceful, moments away from breaking in upstairs but I told him I’d call the cops on him if he tried anything. I heard from Rivani that Fenris was in a bit of trouble and staying at your place so I thought it best to warn you.”

“Thanks.” Hawke said. He’d best say something to Fenris. As much as he didn’t want Fenris to be scared, he knew Fenris would only hate him if he didn’t tell him. Varric nodded and said his goodbyes.

“I’ll let you know if I see him again.” Varric announced as he left. Hawke shut the door and Fenris peeked out.

He couldn’t help but sigh. Fenris living with him was perhaps a smart move after all. Here he could protect him if Danarius came knocking. Not that he wanted that to happen or that he thought Fenris couldn't protect himself. By the sounds of it, Danarius was a manipulative bastard and he didn't want to take any risks.

Fenris was staring at him, eyebrows furrowed. Hawke walked over to him slowly, softly gripping his arm and pressing a kiss on Fenris's forehead. His face relaxed but he retracted from the touch, tilting his head at him.

"Who was at the door?" he asked, prying Hawke's fingers off his arm. Hawke could feel the blood rushing to his heart.

"Varric." He answered quietly, moving the rejected hand to brush a strand of Fenris's hair behind his ear. Once again, his touch was gently pushed away and rejected.

"...And?"

Thump. His heart pounded. He knew he had to tell Fenris. They had been enjoying their time together thus far, things had been going even better than he anticipated. By telling him about Danarius's presence he would only frighten him and take them back a little. With the man on the mind he wouldn't be able to just sit and cuddle with Fenris, comb his hair with his fingers and kiss all the beautiful parts of him. Fenris was still staring at him. He folded his arms over his chest.

" _Garrett._ " His first name snapped him back out of his fantasy. He hadn't realised how long he'd been stuck in his own dream world. Fenris's voice was stern, had he ever even called him Garrett before? He was certain his heart just did a 180, from rapidly beating to a full on stop. Fenris's expression softened a little now he knew he had Hawke's attention. "You know what kind of situation I'm in right now, this is important."

Desperately, he wanted to reach out and touch him again. Instead, he apologised; "I know and I'm sorry. Varric said...some old guy in the lobby was asking for you. I'm guessing it's probably Danarius."

With reluctance, he described the man just as Varric had done. Fenris listened to him carefully.

"That's Danarius alright." Fenris said with a sigh. Hawke frowned. He had hoped that maybe it was just a coincidence or it wasn't who he thought it was. However it seemed that luck wasn't on his side this time.

"What do you want to do?" Hawke replied, feeling a little better when Fenris pressed his forehead against his chest. His wet hair might've been getting his shirt wet but it was definitely worth it. He wrapped his arms loosely around Fenris's body.

"Maybe I should face him."

Hawke's breath hitched.

"Fenris..."


	14. Confrontation

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Fenris finally faces his fears and does something about it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Wow it's been a long time since I updated! I'm sorry to say that I don't really have much of an interest in this fic anymore. However, I didn't want to leave it either. So expect another chapter or two after this one and then I'll be wrapping up this fic. I want to move on to better things.  
> Thank you to all who has stuck around though. This was my first FenHawke fic after all! :)

“Fenris, are you sure about this? You don’t have to do this,” Hawke chased after Fenris hurriedly but no matter what he said, the man didn’t stop descending down the stairs. He was going down two steps at a time. It seemed like nothing was going to stop him. Hawke’s heart pounded in his chest at the idea of meeting Fenris’s abuser. He’d heard plenty to assess that the man was horrible and disgusting. Would he even be able to stop himself from attacking the man if he said something out of line to Fenris? “I thought hiding was what you wanted!”

Those words made Fenris finally stop. He reached the platform before the last flight of stairs and turned around to face Hawke who was out of breath. He skipped down the last few steps to reach the same ground as Fenris and took a deep breath. Once he caught his breath, he met Fenris’s eyes. They were narrowed, eyebrows furrowed so deeply they were leaving creases behind. His gaze had never felt so cold.

“I cannot run and hide forever Hawke! I must face him, even if…even if the idea is downright terrifying. I thought I had your support?” his breath was shaky and Hawke caught sight of his fists trembling by his sides. Hawke frowned.

“Of course you have my support, you will always have my support. I’m here for you, I just didn’t think this was what you wanted,” Hawke admitted, hesitant and warily reaching out to touch Fenris’s arm. He was still swamped in Hawke’s clothes, baggy and consuming him. It didn’t seem to faze him however, he still seemed determined to face his former abuser and step-parent in this attire.

Fenris’s breath sharply hitched when he touched him and Hawke’s first instinct was to jerk it away from him like he’d just stuck his hand in the fire. Fenris settled then, shaking his head and slowly reaching to embrace his boyfriend. Hawke took him in gladly, wrapping his arms around his waist and letting him bury his face against his chest. They remained like that for a little while.

“I’m sorry,” Fenris muttered, nuzzling his face against Hawke’s shirt. Hawke shook his head.

“Don’t be,” he replied, one hand running through Fenris’s hair and bending down to kiss the top of his head. However, both men were jolted out of their state of comfort by muffled yelling and some banging. Fenris pulled away from Hawke, looking up at him then down the stairs.

They exchanged a nod before walking down the stairs, less hurried and more cautious than before. Fenris knew that Hawke had his back through all of this, if anything were to happen, he was there. To their surprise, Merrill stood on the landing. She looked panicked, hands up by her shoulders as she tried to calm an older gentleman who was trying to open one of the mail boxes. Hawke’s stomach lurched at the sight. It had to be Danarius. There he was, in the flesh.

Everything Fenris has told him raced through his mind. To think this was the man who had abused Fenris for all that time, raised him, stalked him. He’d ruined parts of Fenris he wasn’t sure he would ever be able to help him rebuild, as much as he hoped he could.

“I’m sorry sir, you can’t! That’s personal property! I’ll have to call the police,” Merrill exclaimed, trying to stop him from lurching open the mail box. Fenris and Hawke’s stomach lurched at the sight. At the way Danarius swivelled his head and glared at her with such malice it would make babies cry. A nervous smile twitched on Merrill’s lips, clearly anxious about trying to stop him in case he lashed out at her.

“Fenris _belongs_ to me, girl. His “personal” effects are as much mine as they are his,” he snapped at her. Merrill paled slightly, unsure what to make of the statement.

Fenris inhaled deeply and Hawke reached out to stop him when he moved out from the stairway but faltered in grasping his arm. He pushed forwards, no words could stop him at this point. Hawke sighed, running a hand through his hair before following him. He couldn’t let him get himself into too much trouble.

“ _I_ belong to no-one!” Fenris yelled. Merrill scurried to one side as Danarius’s eyes locked on Fenris. His expression softened, moving his hands away from the mail box. Hawke didn’t like the way he looked at him, the anger and fury moulding into some sort of sickly affection and desire. Fenris didn’t seem deterred by it. The idea that he was used to it was an awful one. Glancing down, he could see Fenris’s fists curling by his sides and his nails digging into his palms.

“Oh! My dear boy Fenris, how long I have spent looking for you,” he cooed. Fenris swallowed roughly. “You think I didn’t know where you were? I’ve been keeping an eye on you, I was just giving you time to come to your senses. Come home to daddy, won’t you?”

Hawke felt physically sick. There was something bubbling in his throat. He was going to throw up at this rate, he had to swallow it down. Meanwhile, Fenris’s cheeks flushed with shame.

“I live my own life, I never want to see you again!” Fenris protested, stumbling over his words a little from the embarrassment. Danarius tutted, shaking his head and reaching out towards Fenris. In response, Fenris started backing up and continued to talk. “You were awful to me! Disgusting! Leave me alone. You _used_ me, I was just a kid!”

Danarius pressed his lips together. It didn’t seem like he was too happy about being told no. Hawke inhaled sharply when Danarius reached forwards and grabbed Fenris’s wrist and tugged him forward. Before he could move, Fenris shoved him off. He snatched his wrist back from him, cradling it next to his chest and frowning. This only seemed to enrage Danarius further and this time he moved for Fenris’s throat.

“How dare you speak to me like this!” Danarius hissed, Fenris gasping as his fist enclosed around his neck. Hawke felt a surge of an adrenaline as his eyes bulged at the sight. Merrill covered her mouth with her hand. “You have no right!”

He worked in a care home. He’d never fought a day in his life. Yet somehow, he found himself grabbing the back of Danarius’s collar and shoving him away from Fenris. The desire to punch him in the face crossed his mind but he considered that as much as he wanted to, Danarius was likely the type of press charges and punching him may be a step too far for him in court. Danarius stumbled back, glaring at Hawke.

To his side, Fenris coughed as he tried to recover the air he’d lose when he’d been grabbed. He clawed at his own throat for a moment before settling his shaky limbs. Hawke hated Danarius, he _hated_ him. How could he be so evil?

“Stay away from him!” the words left his lips before he could filter them. Danarius grit his teeth at Hawke when he spoke. Fenris turned to look at him, widened eyes and parted lips. It disheartened Hawke to think that Fenris hadn’t expected anyone to defend him.

“And who’s this, your boyfriend? Does he know what a good little boy you were for me? I’ll be back for you Fenris, don’t ever doubt it,” Danarius said. Hawke took the opportunity to get hold of Fenris’s hand and drag him back up the stairs.

Away from Danarius, away from all of this. He wouldn’t let him be treated like this. They’d call the police or something once they got back to his apartment. They would figure it out once they were away from him. He wanted Fenris away from possible harm, who knew what could’ve happened? What if he hadn’t been able to stop him if he attacked Fenris again? This was all so crazy! This was a turn he never expected his life to take.

Fenris didn’t protest being dragged up the floors of the complex. Perhaps he was still in shock. He pushed Fenris inside his apartment and shut the door. He panted and leaned back against the door. Fenris also took the time to catch his breath.

Once they had calmed down from the rush, Hawke approached Fenris slowly and checked his neck for bruising. There were a few red marks lingering on the skin. As much as he hated them, it gave them reason to do something about all this. They had evidence now, witnesses too. Not only was he there but Merrill too. Danarius was a fool. Maybe Fenris had been too scared to press charges against him by himself but now he had people to back him up.

“Fenris…” he mumbled, hand running over his cheek. Fenris looked downcast, sliding his hand over Hawke’s on his face. “You could file a restraining order if you don’t want to press charges you know,”

“Yeah…I…Yeah,” he agreed. Hawke breathed a sigh of relief.

“I’ll help you get through this Fenris, I promise. We’ll…take some pictures of your neck and then you should write down as much as you feel comfortable sharing about him. Don’t feel pressured to tell them everything, just…the more the better. Okay?” Hawke explained and Fenris nodded.

He smiled softly as he leaned and kissed Fenris lightly on the lips to which Fenris eagerly returned. Hawke retrieved his phone from his pocket and began to take pictures.

“Thank you,” Fenris whispered.

 

Fenris stayed in Hawke’s apartment throughout the whole process. When the restraining order finally passed, they both breathed a long sigh of relief. They had chipped in together to afford it but once it was in place, it was worth it. He wouldn’t be able to get close to Fenris. It wasn’t as good as getting the man locked up but there was no way they could get it through with as little evidence as they had. All they had was Fenris’s word.

It didn’t matter, it was over for now. Fenris curled up on the sofa beside Hawke, nuzzling into the base of his neck with his hand splayed on his stomach. Reclaiming the intimacy was nice. They could finally start building a life together without the threat of Danarius at Fenris’s back. If the man tried anything, he’d be in serious legal trouble now.

Hawke wrapped an arm around Fenris’s waist, pulling him closer and kissing the top of his head. He could’ve never anticipated this when he saw Fenris move in that first day. He was grateful, despite its rough patches. Fenris was worth every second of it.

“You don’t have to stay here you know,” Hawke mentioned. Fenris looked up at him, somewhat disappointed. “Oh! That sounded bad, didn’t it? I’m just saying that…I mean I’m more than happy for you to stay. Over the moon actually. I was just thinking that…you could just move in,”

His heart hammered in his chest. Even though Fenris had been living with him for months now, formally asking him to move in seemed like a big jump. It wasn’t like he was proposing marriage or anything but it was still nerve-racking. Fenris stared at him for a little while and it only made him more nervous.

“I’ll move out of my apartment,” he replied, resting his head back down on Hawke’s shoulder.

Hawke could hardly believe it, blinking quickly for a few seconds. He had…agreed? He was going to move in? He was going to actually go over and take the rest of his things from his old apartment and put them in his? The idea was both exciting and scary. It was the final step. Most of his things were practically already here anyway but it didn’t matter, this was it. He was going to put his apartment back on the market.

Both of his arms moved around to embrace Fenris, pinning him down on the sofa and kissing him passionately. Fenris squeaked a little into the kiss, taken by surprise. He laughed into Hawke’s lips and wrapped his arms around his neck, pulling him in for more.

Everything was going to be okay.


	15. Intimacy

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Fenris and Hawke finally reach happiness.

“That’s the last of it I think!” Hawke exclaimed, putting a box down in the bedroom and putting his hands on his hips with a huff. Fenris wiped his hands on his thighs, looking down at the boxes arranged on the bedroom floor. There weren’t as many as Hawke expected, though he supposed that Fenris didn’t really have much stuff. It was one of the first things he had noticed about him when he walked into his apartment. Perhaps now they were living together, everything would become both of theirs. He smiled at the thought.

“Should we unpack it all?” Fenris asked, reaching down to palm at the opening to one of the boxes.

“Later,” Hawke replied, taking a few careful steps over to his boyfriend and wrapping his arms around his waist. Fenris jolted slightly at the unexpected contact but soon melted into it. He took a deep breath and leaned his head back against Hawke’s chest.

The intimacy was nice. With how hard they’d worked to get to this point, it was relieving to relax around each other. Fenris had allowed Hawke in, put his trust in him and for that, Hawke was eternally grateful. They could put Danarius and the restraining order behind them and move on. Hawke didn’t know what the next step was or how long it would take to get there, but at least he didn’t need to think about it just yet.

An idea sprung into his head and he grinned. With his arms secure around Fenris’s waist, he yanked the smaller man to the bed, falling back onto it heavily with his boyfriend in tow. Fenris yelped indignantly as they collapsed on top of the sheets. He huffed and wiggled out of Hawke’s grasp as the man began to laugh. Hawke pulled his legs up onto the bed and leaned on his side, facing Fenris who had sat upright.

“You’re an idiot,” Fenris huffed, a smile threatening to tug at his lips as Hawke snickered.

“Come on, cuddle with me,” Hawke cooed, making a ‘come hither’ motion with his hand. Fenris shook his head at his idiocy, but clambered the rest of his body onto the bed and curled into Hawke’s hold. For the first time, Fenris really felt at home. More so than any of the other places he’d lived. He decided he liked it here, on this bed with Hawke. There was nothing to worry about.

Hawke’s grin softened into a smile. One hand moved up to stroke his cheek, thumb pushing back a strand of hair. He leaned in slowly, lips brushing over Fenris’s. He could feel his breath quicken. Their lips joined eventually, melting into one another. He couldn’t get enough of him, bodies pressed up against each other.

Once they pulled away from each other with reluctance but the call for air overpowering, Hawke’s gaze lingered on his spit-slicked lips. He was beautiful. He couldn’t help leaning back in to pepper his face with kisses, along his cheeks and jaw until he reached his neck. Fenris moved his head back to allow Hawke to nip at his neck, groaning lowly in his throat. Small intimate gestures, his tongue licking over the tiny bites and his hands caressing his waist. Fenris inhaled shakily and pushed Hawke onto his back, clambering over the top of him with his legs stretched to rest either side of Hawke’s.

“Fenris?” Hawke asked, eyes wide and bewildered. Has he done something wrong?

Fenris ignored him, leaning back down to kiss him again. Hawke almost protested but he was swayed by the insistent press of Fenris’s lips upon his. Desire flooded through him. He’d never wanted to be this close with anyone. Being with Hawke was torture for his senses. He wanted nothing more than to never part from his body. The heat, the tingles, the emotion. He was sat upon the thighs of his handsome man who had been there for him through everything, who knew him so deeply and intimately.

Faintly, he recalled the time he had laid in Hawke’s bed and the touches had become heavy and heated. His hand around the thick, heavy shaft nestled between Hawke’s legs. Hawke’s hot mouth wrapped around his own cock, pulling him in and bringing him to his limits. He could feel himself become aroused at the thought, moaning slightly into the press of Hawke’s tongue in his mouth. His breath had hovered over the head, tongue peeking out to taste him.

As they parted, Fenris rubbed himself lightly against Hawke’s leg. It was rough enough for the man to feel his pressing erection. Hawke’s breath stuttered, hands resting firmly on Fenris’s hips. His intentions had become clear.

“What is it you want, Fenris?” Hawke asked. He needed to know in explicit words what it was Fenris was asking for. He had only had one chance to bring him off, the idea of another was exhilarating. He’d gladly use his mouth on him again, or his hand if he preferred. He was unsure on how Fenris felt about penetration, either way around would suit him. He wasn’t about to push anything. When Fenris was ready, they could try that. If he was never ready? Well, that was just how it was going to be.

It turned out, he needn’t say anything at all.

“I want you to fuck me,” he told him, voice surprisingly confident. Hawke’s breath hitched. He wanted to give him everything. Hawke had never felt more treasured, honoured, in his lifetime. Fenris’s virginity. He would have it. In his hold, all of Fenris.

“No,” he said firmly. Fenris’s eyebrows furrowed in confusion, watching Hawke as he sat up and shifted Fenris properly into his lap. Now Fenris’s erection dug into his stomach. “I’ll make love to you,”

It was dreadfully cheesy. Hawke felt himself inwardly cringe as the words left his lips. It was worth it though, for the twinkle in Fenris’s widened eyes. His lips slightly parted, staring at him somewhat enraptured and fascinated. Heat rose in his cheeks, ears tinting a rosy red. He pressed his lips together, looking down unable to meet Hawke’s gaze. Hawke tried not to laugh. He was cute when he was flustered. Instead, he settled for kissing his reddened cheek and allowing Fenris to rest his shaky hands on his shoulders.

“Is that okay?” Hawke questioned. Fenris nodded.

“More than I could have ever hoped for,” he replied. Hawke grinned, capturing Fenris’s lips and laying him down gently on the covers. He didn’t want to rush things. The worst possible thing he could do was mess this up. Especially when Fenris was looking up at him with lidded green eyes and spreading his legs to encompass his body invitingly.

In the back of his mind, he thought about the incident on the sofa in Fenris’s old apartment. He thought about it as Fenris pulled him down for another kiss whilst his own hand skidded underneath Fenris’s shirt. He helped him pull it over his head. Fenris groaned as Hawke nibbled at his collar, thumbs idly rubbing his exposed nipples before moving down to trace the tattoos over his stomach. From the way Fenris fidgeted, he was still a bit sensitive about them. It was a shame that he’d only gotten them to erase the touch of a man who should’ve looked after him. They were oddly striking and beautiful in their own way.

“Hawke,” Fenris breathed, growing frustrated at the slow process. Hawke looked up from pressing open mouthed kisses along his chest. “Get on with it and take those clothes of yours off,”

He laughed and shuffled back up to kiss his lips.

“Yes sir,” he teased. Fenris’s expression softened after a moment, smiling. It was perhaps the most genuine smile Hawke had ever seen on his face. Nothing was being held back. He sat up and allowed Fenris to help him pull his own shirt off. Fenris ran his fingers through the thick locks of hair shielding his chest. At first glance, Fenris was seemingly without body hair. But at touch, the fine brush of hair could be felt underneath his navel.

Fenris’s own fingers followed the trail of hair on Hawke’s chest down to his stomach and ending at the waistband of his jeans. His eyes flickered up to meet Hawke’s gaze. He was watching him now, mind clouding a little with desire. With a nod of his head, Fenris popped the button on his jeans and unzipped them. He didn’t know why he was so nervous. He wiggled the jeans down past his hips and off his legs. Fenris wasted no time reaching for his boxers and tugging those down too.

Through all the careful ministrations, he’d gotten hard. His heart raced as he saw Fenris’s tongue poke out to lick his dry lips at the sight of his cock. His long fingers reached to caress his shaft, moving along it with careful precision. He didn’t know how it’d ended up like this; he was supposed to be the one taking time to touch Fenris’s body!

Reluctantly, he batted Fenris’s hand away. He said; “This was supposed to be about you,”.

If Fenris was bothered by that sentiment, he didn’t voice it. He let Hawke reach down for his own remaining clothing and removed it. There was something oddly exciting about seeing each other naked. Hawke’s heart pounded in his chest as he realised they hadn’t actually seen each other like this yet. He laid Fenris back down on the bed and ran his hands along his thighs. Fenris shuffled anxiously, still a little nervous about the whole thing. As Hawke’s hands slid to his inner thighs to part them and sit back between them, he felt a pang of arousal.

“Are you sure this is okay?” Hawke questioned out of concern. Fenris swallowed roughly. He wanted this, he did. He had never wanted something more in his life. This wasn’t Hawke’s bed any longer. This was their bed. They shared it. _Ours,_ he thought.

“Yes. I want this,” Fenris answered. Hawke smiled, moving to kiss him once again and curling his fingers around his cock. Fenris gasped into his mouth as he touched him, his thumb rubbing against the tip. Not a single touch was too fast or too rough. The slow pumping of his shaft was both relaxing and exciting. But he didn’t want it to be over so quickly. Feeling Hawke’s breath lingering over his lips and the heat of his body was only heightening his arousal.

Just as he worried he might soon reach his peak, Hawke’s hand moved away from him. He whined in the back of his throat and Hawke chuckled. He watched him as he fumbled through a drawer next to the bed. From it, he pulled out some lubricant and a box of condoms. It was really happening. This was going to happen.

Hawke squirted the lubricant onto his fingers and rubbed them together to warm it. His other hand gently parted Fenris’s legs further and grabbed a pillow to prop up his hips. Fenris felt his cheeks heat at the intimacy of the position. He could see him in a way he didn’t think anyone would ever see him again. Memories of exposure nipped a little at his excitement, but the lustful gaze Hawke was displaying just staring at him was enough to settle the thoughts.

“I’m going to put my fingers in,” Hawke said. He looked at Fenris for some sort of approval, so he nodded confidently. Hawke’s fingers slid along the crack of his ass, leaving slick behind, until they reached his entrance. Fenris kept his gaze on him, chewing a little on his lower lip as Hawke pressed a single digit inside.

It felt odd. He was strangely full, even just by a single finger. If he felt like this with just that, who knew how it’d feel with his cock inside him? Hawke was hardly a small man but Fenris considered himself up to the challenge. Hawke would be gentle with him, he’d never do anything he didn’t like and if he did, he would stop. Fenris wiggled a little at the sensation but Hawke steadied his hips with a hand. He carefully manoeuvred the finger inside him. He rubbed it against his inner walls and drew it back to push it back inside and get him used to the feeling of being penetrated.

He attempted to regulate his breathing as Hawke rubbed a second finger against his hole. The more relaxed he was, the easier this whole process would become. He gave Hawke a content smile which turned into a quiet groan as the finger was pushed inside him. He could hardly believe it was happening. The fingers pulled him apart, stretching him. The anticipation of what was to come was almost overwhelming.

Then, he curled his fingers.

Fenris gasped loudly, bringing his hand up to his mouth to muffle the startled moan that escaped him. Hawke seemed proud of himself as he rubbed his intruding fingers against the spot he had found. It was a feeling unlike any other, tingles travelling up his body. It felt incredibly intimate and spikes of pleasure were hitting him wave after wave as Hawke mercilessly pressed against his prostate.

“Your prostate,” Hawke clarified, pulling his fingers back to thrust them back into that spot. Fenris moaned in response. His fingers tightened into a fist in front of his lips. “Feel good?”

“Yes,” Fenris rasped. “More,”

After a chuckle, Hawke pushed in a third finger and pressed them all against his sweet spot. Fenris would’ve bucked up against the intrusion had it not been for Hawke’s hand holding his hips down. Looking down, he couldn’t believe how stretched he was around his fingers. Hawke’s fingers were much thicker and longer than his own to compliment the large body he had.

Just as they had entered, they were gone again. Fenris groaned in frustration at the loss of pleasure. Hawke sat back on his lower legs and reached for the lubricant and condom again. Fenris stared as Hawke tore open a condom and rolled it over his hard cock. He squirted out more of the lube and spread it over himself. He flashed Fenris a smile and took a bit of extra lube to rub over his stretched hole.

Hawke leaned over Fenris, letting the smaller man place his hands on his shoulders, legs locking themselves around Hawke’s pelvis. Hawke rested one of his forearms beside Fenris’s head while the other lined himself up with Fenris’s entrance. The tip rubbed against it, allowing him to adjust to the incoming pressure. The lube made entry a lot easier. Gradually, he inched his way inside Fenris’s tight heat.

The worst of it was over when the head popped into place inside him. Now it was a slow push in. Fenris squeezed his eyes shut, relaxing his body as best he could to welcome the intrusion. Hawke rubbed circles with his thumbs on his hips, leaning to pepper his face with kisses as he pressed deeper and deeper until he was fully hilted inside him.

Both men looked down to admire how Fenris took him all in. His hole was stretched to its limits, the light burn of its entry tugging at him. But, it was in and that was the important part. Hawke rolled his hips experimentally and drew an undignified grunt from Fenris.

“You feel so good Fenris. You’re so good for me,” Hawke mumbled, kissing his lips. Fenris smiled. They had gotten this far, neither of them wanted to turn back now. “Just nod when it’s okay for me to move,”

After a few more moments of settling, Fenris dug his nails in a little on Hawke’s shoulders and gave him a firm nod. Hawke pulled back, dearly missing how Fenris felt around him, but quickly moved to thrust back inside him. He was so gloriously tight, constricting around his cock. The more times he thrusted, the easier it got. Fenris was opening up for him, getting used to the sensation. They fit together perfectly, like two puzzle pieces.

Fenris began to draw him in, rocking his hips back against his thrusts for a deeper feeling. Hawke took this as an opportunity to be less gentle with him. He picked up the pace, thrusting harder and faster. He grabbed one of Fenris’s legs and pushed it up towards his chest. His body was so flexible, Hawke noted. The slight change in angle made it easier for Hawke to hit his prostate. Fenris moaned obscenely as he thrusted against it repeatedly.

He thought he might come just from that. He didn’t want to rely on it though, he would feel bad if Hawke came first and had to get him off afterwards. So, he took one hand off Hawke’s shoulder and reached down between his own legs to touch his neglected cock.

The sight of Fenris touching himself only spurred Hawke on more. He gripped Fenris harder, leaning down to kiss his exposed throat and lightly sink his teeth into the skin to match his jarring thrusts. Fenris whimpered and jerked himself quicker, approaching climax. Hawke squeezed his thigh, moving away from his neck briefly only to return and leave hickeys over the bites. At this point, Fenris was too far gone to care.

It didn’t take long before Fenris came, moaning loudly and his eyes rolling back slightly into his head. He rode out the aftershocks of his orgasm, white splashing over his hand and stomach. Hawke didn’t slow but the sudden increased tightness of Fenris’s body was enough to push him over the edge. He too moaned against Fenris’s skin when his hips stuttered and he came.

They lay there for a moment, out of breath and exhausted. Hawke pulled himself out of Fenris’s body gradually and let go of him, smiling as he removed the condom and tied it up to throw out. He grabbed a towel to clean themselves up and tossed the other items off the bed. Finally, he collapsed next to Fenris.

Fenris smiled tiredly at him, turning on his side to curl up against Hawke’s body. Hawke’s arm wrapped around his waist.

“Good?” Hawke asked.

“Good,” Fenris assured him.

 

In the mirror, Fenris stared at himself with furrowed eyebrows. He ran his fingers over the purpling hickeys dotted over his neck that were too high up to be shielded by a jacket. Damn that Hawke and his obsession with marking him. Though, he couldn’t help but smile a little at the memory and where the marks had come from. He’d get him back for this.

“Fenris,” Hawke’s voice startled him. He jumped and turned around to see his boyfriend stood in the doorway with his arms behind his back. What was he hiding back there? He strolled towards him with a grin. “I got you something. Close your eyes?”

His heart thumped in his chest but with slight hesitance, he closed them. Just what was Hawke intending to do? He said he got him something but that could mean anything! He heard Hawke’s footsteps as they got closer, so close that he could feel the heat of his body. Then, warmth around his neck. Something soft. Hawke’s fingers.

“You can open them now,” Hawke instructed.

He obliged, eyes fluttering open and reaching up to feel what had been put around his neck. A scarf. He looked down at it. A red scarf. It stood out against his dark clothing, usually dressing in greys and blacks. It wasn’t obnoxiously bright though, in fact it looked quite good against his shirt. Hawke had…bought this for him? Just for him. It was a gift. He blushed a little at the thought of the man shopping for him.

“Thought you might complain about me marking up your neck, though they do look beautiful on you,” Hawke said, grinning. Fenris huffed but Hawke calmed him with a chaste kiss on the lips. It was true, the scarf did cover the hickeys. “The scarf looks nice on you too though,”

“Thank you,” Fenris mumbled.

Fenris had a feeling that this wasn’t going to be the last gift Hawke got him. There were likely many more to come in the time they’d spend together. He hoped that it would last. There was no way to be sure, but he did have a good feeling about it.

Thoughts of Danarius had been pushed out of the window. They could concentrate on each other now. Who knew when he moved into that apartment across the hall at Isabela’s behest, that all this would become of them? That he would find someone he could allow in. Not long ago he would’ve never thought such a thing possible. It was difficult to say, but he loved him.

His past would not taint him, or their relationship. He had emerged from that bad place and now something beautiful would blossom. Looking up at Hawke, smiling and meeting his lips with his own, he realised that beautiful thing was already taking root in his heart. It didn’t get much better than this, after all. He couldn’t be more content.

A happy ending had found them, after all.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And that's a wrap folks! I'm so happy to finally put this fic to bed, it was my first fenhawke fic and I was determined to finish it despite the fact that I actually don't like it that much haha. I can finally move on! 
> 
> Thank you so much for all the support I've gotten over the course of this fic, for the new fans and the fans that have been here since the beginning. I hope you enjoyed this!
> 
> :)


End file.
